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Message no. 1
From: Strago strago@***.com
Subject: The beginning of my story
Date: Tue, 27 Jul 1999 14:25:29 -0400
Here's the rough beginning. Any questions, comments, or concerns, let me
know.

The woman walked into my office, clutching a battered and somewhat bloody
Pocket Secretary. She was tall and thin, with a magnificent mane of red
hair. She introduced herself as Alicia Mowbray. “I have here my husband’s
personal journal. I think you might be interested in publishing it.” She
said to me.
“Really.” I gave her a look of disdain. ”And why would that be?”
“Because,” She calmly replied, “he and I were inside the Renraku Arcology
when it was shutdown and we remained there until the situation inside was
resolved. There is one section that I believe you would be extremely
interested in publishing. It came about a year after the Arcology shut
down. I can transfer the files to you, if you want to read all about
it...” Her voice trailed off.
I wordlessly handed over one of my Pocket Secretaries. She connected the
Secretaries, and a second later handed mine back to me. She stood up, and
said “I’ll be back in a few days. Read the journal and then let me know.
I’ve cleaned it up a bit, made it so that others can understand what was
going on at that time. All of my changes are in brackets.”
I turned my attention to the first file, and was soon engrossed.

[Day 396]
Three hundred and ninety six days we’ve been inside the arcology. I’m
beginning to think we’ll never get out, never be safe, never have kids.
But I don’t really have time to think right now. Today we were able to
rescue three people from a zomble room on the 249st floor. Two of them
panicked after we got them out and ran screaming down a corridor. I tried
to stop them, but they kept going. I don’t know what happened to them. The
third, a guy by the name of Shawn, decided that he wanted to stop whatever
was going on, and joined with us. Now we’ve got twelve people in our
group. [Besides Shawn, Dave, and myself, our group consisted of Ronald,
Jill, Hideki, Jim, Chrissie, Cap, Sarge, Tim, and our fearless leader,
Kwanzai.] We quickly headed back up to our camp on the 251st floor. Lish
and Kwanzai took Shawn under their wing, and began to show him how to
shoot a gun. For the rest of the day, we just waited and watched, to make
sure none of Deus’ constructs or minions take the time or the trouble to
attack us. My watch is almost up, so I’m going to go to bed now. Tomorrow,
we’re going to try to get more recruits from a Zombie room a little lower
in the arcology.


--
--Strago

The gene pool in the 21st century needs a deep cleaning. I am the
chlorine.

SRGC v0.2 !SR1 SR2++ !SR3 h b++ B- UB- IE+ RN++ sa++ ma++ ad+ m+ (o++ d+)
gm+ M-
Message no. 2
From: CEvans9159@***.com CEvans9159@***.com
Subject: The beginning of my story
Date: Tue, 27 Jul 1999 15:11:33 EDT
In a message dated 7/27/99 11:22:43 AM, strago@***.com writes:

>he and I were inside the Renraku Arcology
>when it was shutdown and we remained there until the situation inside was
>resolved.

I think this part would be better left out as we don't know how FASA
is going to ultimately resolve the situation. Perhaps she made it to one of
the Ork underground exits...she felt her job was done or something.

Tay-Dor
"Just my opinion"
Message no. 3
From: Rand Ratinac docwagon101@*****.com
Subject: The beginning of my story
Date: Tue, 27 Jul 1999 19:54:07 -0700 (PDT)
> The woman walked into my office, clutching a battered and somewhat
bloody Pocket Secretary. She was tall and thin with a magnificent mane
of red hair. She introduced herself as Alicia Mowbray. "I have here my
husband’s personal journal. I think you might be interested in
publishing it," she said to me.
> "Really." I gave her a look of disdain. "And why would that be?"
> "Because," she calmly replied, "he and I were inside the Renraku
Arcology when it was shutdown and we remained there until the situation
inside was resolved. There is one section that I believe you would be
extremely interested in publishing. It came about a year after the
Arcology shut down. I can transfer the files to you, if you want to
read all about it..." Her voice trailed off.
(Tay-Dor's right. At this stage it's too dangerous to say "until the
situation inside was resolved". If you leave it vague so that it's
possible they stayed in until it all finished or that they got out
while it was going on, you SHOULD be all right).

> I wordlessly handed over one of my Pocket Secretaries. She connected
the Secretaries, and a second later handed mine back to me.
(Errr...likely take a little bit longer than that to copy across.)

> She stood up and said, "I’ll be back in a few days. Read the journal
and then let me know. I’ve cleaned it up a bit, made it
(Cut the "made it")

> so that others can understand what was going on at that time. All of
my changes are in brackets."
> I turned my attention to the first file, and was soon engrossed.
(You DO leave out a lot of descriptive stuff, don't you, Strago? :) Did
he wait until she'd left the room or what?)

> [Day 396]
> Three hundred and ninety six days we’ve been inside the arcology.
(Of course, the exact number of days may have to change, but that's no
biggie.)

> I’m beginning to think we’ll never get out, never be safe, never have
kids. But I don’t really have time to think right now. Today we were
able to rescue three people from a zombie room on the 249th floor. Two
of them panicked after we got them out and ran screaming down a
corridor. I tried to stop them, but they kept going. I don’t know what
happened to them. The third, a guy by the name of Shawn, decided that
he wanted to stop whatever was going on and joined with us. Now we’ve
got twelve people in our group. [Besides Shawn, Dave, and myself, our
group consisted
(consists)

> of Ronald, Jill, Hideki, Jim, Chrissie, Cap, Sarge, Tim, and our
fearless leader, Kwanzai.] We quickly headed back up to our camp on the
251st floor. Lish
(Lish - short for Alicia? If so, why didn't you mention her earlier in
the group?)

> and Kwanzai took Shawn under their wing, and began to show him how to
shoot a gun. For the rest of the day, we just waited and watched, to
make sure none of Deus’ constructs or minions take
(took)

> the time or the trouble to attack us. My watch is almost up, so I’m
going to go to bed now. Tomorrow, we’re going to try to get more
recruits from a Zombie room a little lower in the arcology.
(You really should consider putting paragraphs in the journal entries.
:) )

Okay, Strago, good start. Might have to work on embellishing it a bit,
but we'll see how we go.
==Doc'
(aka Mr. Freaky Big, Super-Dynamic Troll of Tomorrow)

.sig Sauer
_________________________________________________________
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Message no. 4
From: Strago strago@***.com
Subject: The beginning of my story
Date: Wed, 28 Jul 1999 01:29:09 -0400
CEvans9159@***.com wrote:

> In a message dated 7/27/99 11:22:43 AM, strago@***.com writes:
>
> >he and I were inside the Renraku Arcology
> >when it was shutdown and we remained there until the situation inside was
> >resolved.
>
> I think this part would be better left out as we don't know how FASA
> is going to ultimately resolve the situation. Perhaps she made it to one of
> the Ork underground exits...she felt her job was done or something.
>
> Tay-Dor
> "Just my opinion"

That's why I said that so ambiguously. I didn't say "until we were rescued
by the UCAS forces" or "until Deus just decided to give up" or "until
the Great
Dragons and Harlequinn beat down Deus" or any such thing. I just said "it was
resolved." I don't think that'll give too much away, because it HAS to be
resolved, in some manner.

--
--Strago

The gene pool in the 21st century needs a deep cleaning. I am the chlorine.

SRGC v0.2 !SR1 SR2++ !SR3 h b++ B- UB- IE+ RN++ sa++ ma++ ad+ m+ (o++ d+) gm+ M-
Message no. 5
From: Strago strago@***.com
Subject: The beginning of my story
Date: Wed, 28 Jul 1999 01:38:19 -0400
Rand Ratinac wrote:

> > The woman walked into my office, clutching a battered and somewhat
> bloody Pocket Secretary. She was tall and thin with a magnificent mane
> of red hair. She introduced herself as Alicia Mowbray. "I have here my
> husband’s personal journal. I think you might be interested in
> publishing it," she said to me.
> > "Really." I gave her a look of disdain. "And why would that
be?"
> > "Because," she calmly replied, "he and I were inside the Renraku
> Arcology when it was shutdown and we remained there until the situation
> inside was resolved. There is one section that I believe you would be
> extremely interested in publishing. It came about a year after the
> Arcology shut down. I can transfer the files to you, if you want to
> read all about it..." Her voice trailed off.
> (Tay-Dor's right. At this stage it's too dangerous to say "until the
> situation inside was resolved". If you leave it vague so that it's
> possible they stayed in until it all finished or that they got out
> while it was going on, you SHOULD be all right).
>
> > I wordlessly handed over one of my Pocket Secretaries. She connected
> the Secretaries, and a second later handed mine back to me.
> (Errr...likely take a little bit longer than that to copy across.)
>
> > She stood up and said, "I’ll be back in a few days. Read the journal
> and then let me know. I’ve cleaned it up a bit, made it
> (Cut the "made it")
>
> > so that others can understand what was going on at that time. All of
> my changes are in brackets."
> > I turned my attention to the first file, and was soon engrossed.
> (You DO leave out a lot of descriptive stuff, don't you, Strago? :) Did
> he wait until she'd left the room or what?)
>

That comes later, when the editor goes to ask a question and she is not
there.

> > [Day 396]
> > Three hundred and ninety six days we’ve been inside the arcology.
> (Of course, the exact number of days may have to change, but that's no
> biggie.)
>

I just picked a number that was more than a year old.

> > I’m beginning to think we’ll never get out, never be safe, never have
> kids. But I don’t really have time to think right now. Today we were
> able to rescue three people from a zombie room on the 249th floor. Two
> of them panicked after we got them out and ran screaming down a
> corridor. I tried to stop them, but they kept going. I don’t know what
> happened to them. The third, a guy by the name of Shawn, decided that
> he wanted to stop whatever was going on and joined with us. Now we’ve
> got twelve people in our group. [Besides Shawn, Dave, and myself, our
> group consisted
> (consists)
>
> > of Ronald, Jill, Hideki, Jim, Chrissie, Cap, Sarge, Tim, and our
> fearless leader, Kwanzai.] We quickly headed back up to our camp on the
> 251st floor. Lish
> (Lish - short for Alicia? If so, why didn't you mention her earlier in
> the group?)
>

She's the "myself".

> > and Kwanzai took Shawn under their wing, and began to show him how to
> shoot a gun. For the rest of the day, we just waited and watched, to
> make sure none of Deus’ constructs or minions take
> (took)
>
> > the time or the trouble to attack us. My watch is almost up, so I’m
> going to go to bed now. Tomorrow, we’re going to try to get more
> recruits from a Zombie room a little lower in the arcology.
> (You really should consider putting paragraphs in the journal entries.
> :) )
>

That's the first journal entry. Each one will be a short little one or
two paragraph deal. ;)

> Okay, Strago, good start. Might have to work on embellishing it a bit,
> but we'll see how we go.
>

No embellishing yet. I just want to see how long I go with a tiny
amount of description. I'm gonna put all description in subtly, avoiding
any long expository descriptions. I hate it when I read those and skip over
them, and I feel that every word in my story is just too important to take
out.

> ==> Doc'
> (aka Mr. Freaky Big, Super-Dynamic Troll of Tomorrow)
>
> .sig Sauer
> _________________________________________________________
> Do You Yahoo!?
> Get your free @*****.com address at http://mail.yahoo.com



--
--Strago

The gene pool in the 21st century needs a deep cleaning. I am the chlorine.


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gm+ M-
Message no. 6
From: Scott Wheelock iscottw@*****.nb.ca
Subject: The beginning of my story
Date: Wed, 28 Jul 1999 03:09:37 -0300
"And now, a Channel 6 editorial reply to Strago."
] That's why I said that so ambiguously. I didn't say "until we
were rescued
] by the UCAS forces" or "until Deus just decided to give up" or
"until
the Great
] Dragons and Harlequinn beat down Deus" or any such thing. I just said
"it was
] resolved." I don't think that'll give too much away, because it HAS to be
] resolved, in some manner.

Yeah, but what if no-one gets out? What if the Arc goes nova, and is
contained by magic, or some such idiocy? The fact is, it's going to be
difficult to make this part convincing...I'd vote that you just have
her as an escapee. Does that take away from the story somehow?

(oh yeah, the story...I like the angle so far. Keep writing...)

-Murder of One
Message no. 7
From: Rand Ratinac docwagon101@*****.com
Subject: The beginning of my story
Date: Wed, 28 Jul 1999 00:31:42 -0700 (PDT)
> > (You DO leave out a lot of descriptive stuff, don't you, Strago? :)
Did he wait until she'd left the room or what?)
>
> That comes later, when the editor goes to ask a question and she
is not there.

Fair 'nuff.

> > > [Besides Shawn, Dave, and myself, our group consisted of Ronald,
Jill, Hideki, Jim, Chrissie, Cap, Sarge, Tim, and our fearless leader,
Kwanzai.] We quickly headed back up to our camp on the 251st floor.
Lish
> > (Lish - short for Alicia? If so, why didn't you mention her earlier
in the group?)
> She's the "myself".

*Doc' slaps forehead*

Bracketed comment by Alicia, right? Silly me. Then forget about the
"consists/consisted" thing. You've got the right tense there.

But Lish IS Alicia?

> > (You really should consider putting paragraphs in the journal
entries. :) )
>
> That's the first journal entry. Each one will be a short little
one or two paragraph deal. ;)

Oh, okay then.

> No embellishing yet. I just want to see how long I go with a tiny
amount of description. I'm gonna put all description in subtly,
avoiding any long expository descriptions. I hate it when I read those
and skip over them, and I feel that every word in my story is just too
important to take out.

Fair enough. I think I'm still going to have to say take the
"resolution" reference out. Who says it's going to be resolved? What if
it ends up the Deus blows the fusion reactors? Unlikely, because that'd
wipe out most of Seattle, but it could happen. It's just too "iffy".
==Doc'
(aka Mr. Freaky Big, Super-Dynamic Troll of Tomorrow)

.sig Sauer
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Message no. 8
From: CEvans9159@***.com CEvans9159@***.com
Subject: The beginning of my story
Date: Wed, 28 Jul 1999 05:19:01 EDT
In a message dated 7/27/99 10:26:03 PM, strago@***.com writes:

> That's why I said that so ambiguously. I didn't say "until we were
>rescued
>by the UCAS forces" or "until Deus just decided to give up" or
"until the
>Great
>Dragons and Harlequinn beat down Deus" or any such thing. I just said "it
>was
>resolved." I don't think that'll give too much away, because it HAS to
>be
>resolved, in some manner.

What I'm saying is...the resolution could end up being a nuclear
missile (ala Bug City) which would mean nobody survives.

Tay-Dor
Message no. 9
From: Aaron Binns sparrow@***.net.au
Subject: The beginning of my story
Date: Wed, 28 Jul 1999 22:26:04 +1000
> Fair enough. I think I'm still going to have to say take the
> "resolution" reference out. Who says it's going to be resolved? What if
> it ends up the Deus blows the fusion reactors? Unlikely, because that'd
> wipe out most of Seattle, but it could happen. It's just too "iffy".
> ==> Doc'

Um.. the fusion reactors blowing up will blow the arc to smitherines, but
since they are so far underground, and unlike nuclear bombs, fusion
reactions which are contained, a-la fusion reactors, wouldnt ever be made
so they could explode. Even modern fission reactors are built to stop them
being used as bombs. to make the reactors go off like bombs deus would have
to take them ofline, and that would hinder him since he needs the power. it
would also take a heck of a long time and a heck of a lot of materials
which wouldnt be round in the arc.

fusion reactors going off are also unlikely to cause significant radiation
fallout like the similar but more 'dirty' H bombs or fission bombs which
both rely on some measure of uranium or plutonium (or other fissionable
material) to be split which causes the 'dirty' isotopes in the fallout.

there would be some however.. but all shortlived... (so the modern theory
goes).

Just some of the so called facts in the works if anyone wanted to go
through on blowing the reactors in their story... :)

GreyWolf
Message no. 10
From: Rand Ratinac docwagon101@*****.com
Subject: The beginning of my story
Date: Wed, 28 Jul 1999 22:13:35 -0700 (PDT)
> Um.. the fusion reactors blowing up will blow the arc to smitherines,
but since they are so far underground, and unlike nuclear bombs, fusion
reactions which are contained, a-la fusion reactors, wouldnt ever be
made so they could explode. Even modern fission reactors are built to
stop them being used as bombs. to make the reactors go off like bombs
deus would have to take them ofline, and that would hinder him since he
needs the power. it would also take a heck of a long time and a heck of
a lot of materials which wouldnt be round in the arc.

Errr...that's nice, but the UCAS military and Renraku are afraid of
Deus blowing the reactors, which means there must be SOME truth to the
rumours. As for the materials - GW, this is THE ARC. They HAVE the
materials. Remember, it's entirely self-sufficient, so it'd have to
have everything necessary to maintain and repair (and, in all
probability, blow) the reactors. Lastly, if Deus takes this step, he
doesn't care about having enough power anymore. He's either at the
stage where he's sacrificing himself in which case he doesn't need
power, or he's managed to transfer himself elsewhere in which case
powering the arc isn't a concern.

> Just some of the so called facts in the works if anyone wanted to go
through on blowing the reactors in their story... :)
>
> GreyWolf

Well, THAT'S one thing we ain't doing. :)
==Doc'
(aka Mr. Freaky Big, Super-Dynamic Troll of Tomorrow)

.sig Sauer
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Message no. 11
From: Strago strago@***.com
Subject: The beginning of my story
Date: Tue, 27 Jul 1999 14:25:29 -0400
Here's the rough beginning. Any questions, comments, or concerns, let me
know.

The woman walked into my office, clutching a battered and somewhat bloody
Pocket Secretary. She was tall and thin, with a magnificent mane of red
hair. She introduced herself as Alicia Mowbray. “I have here my husband’s
personal journal. I think you might be interested in publishing it.” She
said to me.
“Really.” I gave her a look of disdain. ”And why would that be?”
“Because,” She calmly replied, “he and I were inside the Renraku Arcology
when it was shutdown and we remained there until the situation inside was
resolved. There is one section that I believe you would be extremely
interested in publishing. It came about a year after the Arcology shut
down. I can transfer the files to you, if you want to read all about
it...” Her voice trailed off.
I wordlessly handed over one of my Pocket Secretaries. She connected the
Secretaries, and a second later handed mine back to me. She stood up, and
said “I’ll be back in a few days. Read the journal and then let me know.
I’ve cleaned it up a bit, made it so that others can understand what was
going on at that time. All of my changes are in brackets.”
I turned my attention to the first file, and was soon engrossed.

[Day 396]
Three hundred and ninety six days we’ve been inside the arcology. I’m
beginning to think we’ll never get out, never be safe, never have kids.
But I don’t really have time to think right now. Today we were able to
rescue three people from a zomble room on the 249st floor. Two of them
panicked after we got them out and ran screaming down a corridor. I tried
to stop them, but they kept going. I don’t know what happened to them. The
third, a guy by the name of Shawn, decided that he wanted to stop whatever
was going on, and joined with us. Now we’ve got twelve people in our
group. [Besides Shawn, Dave, and myself, our group consisted of Ronald,
Jill, Hideki, Jim, Chrissie, Cap, Sarge, Tim, and our fearless leader,
Kwanzai.] We quickly headed back up to our camp on the 251st floor. Lish
and Kwanzai took Shawn under their wing, and began to show him how to
shoot a gun. For the rest of the day, we just waited and watched, to make
sure none of Deus’ constructs or minions take the time or the trouble to
attack us. My watch is almost up, so I’m going to go to bed now. Tomorrow,
we’re going to try to get more recruits from a Zombie room a little lower
in the arcology.


--
--Strago

The gene pool in the 21st century needs a deep cleaning. I am the
chlorine.

SRGC v0.2 !SR1 SR2++ !SR3 h b++ B- UB- IE+ RN++ sa++ ma++ ad+ m+ (o++ d+)
gm+ M-
Message no. 12
From: CEvans9159@***.com CEvans9159@***.com
Subject: The beginning of my story
Date: Tue, 27 Jul 1999 15:11:33 EDT
In a message dated 7/27/99 11:22:43 AM, strago@***.com writes:

>he and I were inside the Renraku Arcology
>when it was shutdown and we remained there until the situation inside was
>resolved.

I think this part would be better left out as we don't know how FASA
is going to ultimately resolve the situation. Perhaps she made it to one of
the Ork underground exits...she felt her job was done or something.

Tay-Dor
"Just my opinion"
Message no. 13
From: Rand Ratinac docwagon101@*****.com
Subject: The beginning of my story
Date: Tue, 27 Jul 1999 19:54:07 -0700 (PDT)
> The woman walked into my office, clutching a battered and somewhat
bloody Pocket Secretary. She was tall and thin with a magnificent mane
of red hair. She introduced herself as Alicia Mowbray. "I have here my
husband’s personal journal. I think you might be interested in
publishing it," she said to me.
> "Really." I gave her a look of disdain. "And why would that be?"
> "Because," she calmly replied, "he and I were inside the Renraku
Arcology when it was shutdown and we remained there until the situation
inside was resolved. There is one section that I believe you would be
extremely interested in publishing. It came about a year after the
Arcology shut down. I can transfer the files to you, if you want to
read all about it..." Her voice trailed off.
(Tay-Dor's right. At this stage it's too dangerous to say "until the
situation inside was resolved". If you leave it vague so that it's
possible they stayed in until it all finished or that they got out
while it was going on, you SHOULD be all right).

> I wordlessly handed over one of my Pocket Secretaries. She connected
the Secretaries, and a second later handed mine back to me.
(Errr...likely take a little bit longer than that to copy across.)

> She stood up and said, "I’ll be back in a few days. Read the journal
and then let me know. I’ve cleaned it up a bit, made it
(Cut the "made it")

> so that others can understand what was going on at that time. All of
my changes are in brackets."
> I turned my attention to the first file, and was soon engrossed.
(You DO leave out a lot of descriptive stuff, don't you, Strago? :) Did
he wait until she'd left the room or what?)

> [Day 396]
> Three hundred and ninety six days we’ve been inside the arcology.
(Of course, the exact number of days may have to change, but that's no
biggie.)

> I’m beginning to think we’ll never get out, never be safe, never have
kids. But I don’t really have time to think right now. Today we were
able to rescue three people from a zombie room on the 249th floor. Two
of them panicked after we got them out and ran screaming down a
corridor. I tried to stop them, but they kept going. I don’t know what
happened to them. The third, a guy by the name of Shawn, decided that
he wanted to stop whatever was going on and joined with us. Now we’ve
got twelve people in our group. [Besides Shawn, Dave, and myself, our
group consisted
(consists)

> of Ronald, Jill, Hideki, Jim, Chrissie, Cap, Sarge, Tim, and our
fearless leader, Kwanzai.] We quickly headed back up to our camp on the
251st floor. Lish
(Lish - short for Alicia? If so, why didn't you mention her earlier in
the group?)

> and Kwanzai took Shawn under their wing, and began to show him how to
shoot a gun. For the rest of the day, we just waited and watched, to
make sure none of Deus’ constructs or minions take
(took)

> the time or the trouble to attack us. My watch is almost up, so I’m
going to go to bed now. Tomorrow, we’re going to try to get more
recruits from a Zombie room a little lower in the arcology.
(You really should consider putting paragraphs in the journal entries.
:) )

Okay, Strago, good start. Might have to work on embellishing it a bit,
but we'll see how we go.
==Doc'
(aka Mr. Freaky Big, Super-Dynamic Troll of Tomorrow)

.sig Sauer
_________________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Get your free @*****.com address at http://mail.yahoo.com
Message no. 14
From: Strago strago@***.com
Subject: The beginning of my story
Date: Wed, 28 Jul 1999 01:29:09 -0400
CEvans9159@***.com wrote:

> In a message dated 7/27/99 11:22:43 AM, strago@***.com writes:
>
> >he and I were inside the Renraku Arcology
> >when it was shutdown and we remained there until the situation inside was
> >resolved.
>
> I think this part would be better left out as we don't know how FASA
> is going to ultimately resolve the situation. Perhaps she made it to one of
> the Ork underground exits...she felt her job was done or something.
>
> Tay-Dor
> "Just my opinion"

That's why I said that so ambiguously. I didn't say "until we were rescued
by the UCAS forces" or "until Deus just decided to give up" or "until
the Great
Dragons and Harlequinn beat down Deus" or any such thing. I just said "it was
resolved." I don't think that'll give too much away, because it HAS to be
resolved, in some manner.

--
--Strago

The gene pool in the 21st century needs a deep cleaning. I am the chlorine.

SRGC v0.2 !SR1 SR2++ !SR3 h b++ B- UB- IE+ RN++ sa++ ma++ ad+ m+ (o++ d+) gm+ M-
Message no. 15
From: Strago strago@***.com
Subject: The beginning of my story
Date: Wed, 28 Jul 1999 01:38:19 -0400
Rand Ratinac wrote:

> > The woman walked into my office, clutching a battered and somewhat
> bloody Pocket Secretary. She was tall and thin with a magnificent mane
> of red hair. She introduced herself as Alicia Mowbray. "I have here my
> husband’s personal journal. I think you might be interested in
> publishing it," she said to me.
> > "Really." I gave her a look of disdain. "And why would that
be?"
> > "Because," she calmly replied, "he and I were inside the Renraku
> Arcology when it was shutdown and we remained there until the situation
> inside was resolved. There is one section that I believe you would be
> extremely interested in publishing. It came about a year after the
> Arcology shut down. I can transfer the files to you, if you want to
> read all about it..." Her voice trailed off.
> (Tay-Dor's right. At this stage it's too dangerous to say "until the
> situation inside was resolved". If you leave it vague so that it's
> possible they stayed in until it all finished or that they got out
> while it was going on, you SHOULD be all right).
>
> > I wordlessly handed over one of my Pocket Secretaries. She connected
> the Secretaries, and a second later handed mine back to me.
> (Errr...likely take a little bit longer than that to copy across.)
>
> > She stood up and said, "I’ll be back in a few days. Read the journal
> and then let me know. I’ve cleaned it up a bit, made it
> (Cut the "made it")
>
> > so that others can understand what was going on at that time. All of
> my changes are in brackets."
> > I turned my attention to the first file, and was soon engrossed.
> (You DO leave out a lot of descriptive stuff, don't you, Strago? :) Did
> he wait until she'd left the room or what?)
>

That comes later, when the editor goes to ask a question and she is not
there.

> > [Day 396]
> > Three hundred and ninety six days we’ve been inside the arcology.
> (Of course, the exact number of days may have to change, but that's no
> biggie.)
>

I just picked a number that was more than a year old.

> > I’m beginning to think we’ll never get out, never be safe, never have
> kids. But I don’t really have time to think right now. Today we were
> able to rescue three people from a zombie room on the 249th floor. Two
> of them panicked after we got them out and ran screaming down a
> corridor. I tried to stop them, but they kept going. I don’t know what
> happened to them. The third, a guy by the name of Shawn, decided that
> he wanted to stop whatever was going on and joined with us. Now we’ve
> got twelve people in our group. [Besides Shawn, Dave, and myself, our
> group consisted
> (consists)
>
> > of Ronald, Jill, Hideki, Jim, Chrissie, Cap, Sarge, Tim, and our
> fearless leader, Kwanzai.] We quickly headed back up to our camp on the
> 251st floor. Lish
> (Lish - short for Alicia? If so, why didn't you mention her earlier in
> the group?)
>

She's the "myself".

> > and Kwanzai took Shawn under their wing, and began to show him how to
> shoot a gun. For the rest of the day, we just waited and watched, to
> make sure none of Deus’ constructs or minions take
> (took)
>
> > the time or the trouble to attack us. My watch is almost up, so I’m
> going to go to bed now. Tomorrow, we’re going to try to get more
> recruits from a Zombie room a little lower in the arcology.
> (You really should consider putting paragraphs in the journal entries.
> :) )
>

That's the first journal entry. Each one will be a short little one or
two paragraph deal. ;)

> Okay, Strago, good start. Might have to work on embellishing it a bit,
> but we'll see how we go.
>

No embellishing yet. I just want to see how long I go with a tiny
amount of description. I'm gonna put all description in subtly, avoiding
any long expository descriptions. I hate it when I read those and skip over
them, and I feel that every word in my story is just too important to take
out.

> ==> Doc'
> (aka Mr. Freaky Big, Super-Dynamic Troll of Tomorrow)
>
> .sig Sauer
> _________________________________________________________
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--
--Strago

The gene pool in the 21st century needs a deep cleaning. I am the chlorine.


SRGC v0.2 !SR1 SR2++ !SR3 h b++ B- UB- IE+ RN++ sa++ ma++ ad+ m+ (o++ d+)
gm+ M-
Message no. 16
From: Scott Wheelock iscottw@*****.nb.ca
Subject: The beginning of my story
Date: Wed, 28 Jul 1999 03:09:37 -0300
"And now, a Channel 6 editorial reply to Strago."
] That's why I said that so ambiguously. I didn't say "until we
were rescued
] by the UCAS forces" or "until Deus just decided to give up" or
"until
the Great
] Dragons and Harlequinn beat down Deus" or any such thing. I just said
"it was
] resolved." I don't think that'll give too much away, because it HAS to be
] resolved, in some manner.

Yeah, but what if no-one gets out? What if the Arc goes nova, and is
contained by magic, or some such idiocy? The fact is, it's going to be
difficult to make this part convincing...I'd vote that you just have
her as an escapee. Does that take away from the story somehow?

(oh yeah, the story...I like the angle so far. Keep writing...)

-Murder of One
Message no. 17
From: Rand Ratinac docwagon101@*****.com
Subject: The beginning of my story
Date: Wed, 28 Jul 1999 00:31:42 -0700 (PDT)
> > (You DO leave out a lot of descriptive stuff, don't you, Strago? :)
Did he wait until she'd left the room or what?)
>
> That comes later, when the editor goes to ask a question and she
is not there.

Fair 'nuff.

> > > [Besides Shawn, Dave, and myself, our group consisted of Ronald,
Jill, Hideki, Jim, Chrissie, Cap, Sarge, Tim, and our fearless leader,
Kwanzai.] We quickly headed back up to our camp on the 251st floor.
Lish
> > (Lish - short for Alicia? If so, why didn't you mention her earlier
in the group?)
> She's the "myself".

*Doc' slaps forehead*

Bracketed comment by Alicia, right? Silly me. Then forget about the
"consists/consisted" thing. You've got the right tense there.

But Lish IS Alicia?

> > (You really should consider putting paragraphs in the journal
entries. :) )
>
> That's the first journal entry. Each one will be a short little
one or two paragraph deal. ;)

Oh, okay then.

> No embellishing yet. I just want to see how long I go with a tiny
amount of description. I'm gonna put all description in subtly,
avoiding any long expository descriptions. I hate it when I read those
and skip over them, and I feel that every word in my story is just too
important to take out.

Fair enough. I think I'm still going to have to say take the
"resolution" reference out. Who says it's going to be resolved? What if
it ends up the Deus blows the fusion reactors? Unlikely, because that'd
wipe out most of Seattle, but it could happen. It's just too "iffy".
==Doc'
(aka Mr. Freaky Big, Super-Dynamic Troll of Tomorrow)

.sig Sauer
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Message no. 18
From: CEvans9159@***.com CEvans9159@***.com
Subject: The beginning of my story
Date: Wed, 28 Jul 1999 05:19:01 EDT
In a message dated 7/27/99 10:26:03 PM, strago@***.com writes:

> That's why I said that so ambiguously. I didn't say "until we were
>rescued
>by the UCAS forces" or "until Deus just decided to give up" or
"until the
>Great
>Dragons and Harlequinn beat down Deus" or any such thing. I just said "it
>was
>resolved." I don't think that'll give too much away, because it HAS to
>be
>resolved, in some manner.

What I'm saying is...the resolution could end up being a nuclear
missile (ala Bug City) which would mean nobody survives.

Tay-Dor
Message no. 19
From: Aaron Binns sparrow@***.net.au
Subject: The beginning of my story
Date: Wed, 28 Jul 1999 22:26:04 +1000
> Fair enough. I think I'm still going to have to say take the
> "resolution" reference out. Who says it's going to be resolved? What if
> it ends up the Deus blows the fusion reactors? Unlikely, because that'd
> wipe out most of Seattle, but it could happen. It's just too "iffy".
> ==> Doc'

Um.. the fusion reactors blowing up will blow the arc to smitherines, but
since they are so far underground, and unlike nuclear bombs, fusion
reactions which are contained, a-la fusion reactors, wouldnt ever be made
so they could explode. Even modern fission reactors are built to stop them
being used as bombs. to make the reactors go off like bombs deus would have
to take them ofline, and that would hinder him since he needs the power. it
would also take a heck of a long time and a heck of a lot of materials
which wouldnt be round in the arc.

fusion reactors going off are also unlikely to cause significant radiation
fallout like the similar but more 'dirty' H bombs or fission bombs which
both rely on some measure of uranium or plutonium (or other fissionable
material) to be split which causes the 'dirty' isotopes in the fallout.

there would be some however.. but all shortlived... (so the modern theory
goes).

Just some of the so called facts in the works if anyone wanted to go
through on blowing the reactors in their story... :)

GreyWolf
Message no. 20
From: Rand Ratinac docwagon101@*****.com
Subject: The beginning of my story
Date: Wed, 28 Jul 1999 22:13:35 -0700 (PDT)
> Um.. the fusion reactors blowing up will blow the arc to smitherines,
but since they are so far underground, and unlike nuclear bombs, fusion
reactions which are contained, a-la fusion reactors, wouldnt ever be
made so they could explode. Even modern fission reactors are built to
stop them being used as bombs. to make the reactors go off like bombs
deus would have to take them ofline, and that would hinder him since he
needs the power. it would also take a heck of a long time and a heck of
a lot of materials which wouldnt be round in the arc.

Errr...that's nice, but the UCAS military and Renraku are afraid of
Deus blowing the reactors, which means there must be SOME truth to the
rumours. As for the materials - GW, this is THE ARC. They HAVE the
materials. Remember, it's entirely self-sufficient, so it'd have to
have everything necessary to maintain and repair (and, in all
probability, blow) the reactors. Lastly, if Deus takes this step, he
doesn't care about having enough power anymore. He's either at the
stage where he's sacrificing himself in which case he doesn't need
power, or he's managed to transfer himself elsewhere in which case
powering the arc isn't a concern.

> Just some of the so called facts in the works if anyone wanted to go
through on blowing the reactors in their story... :)
>
> GreyWolf

Well, THAT'S one thing we ain't doing. :)
==Doc'
(aka Mr. Freaky Big, Super-Dynamic Troll of Tomorrow)

.sig Sauer
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Further Reading

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