From:	Joe McRage gburus@***.univ.szczecin.pl
Subject:	Need oppinions on my first English text
Date:	Fri, 10 Nov 2000 08:43:15 +0100 (MET)

Hi there,

> >Ok, here is my retired character's history (first part). What I need is
> >poinitng out mistakes (either grammar or lexicographical (sp?) ones).
> >I tried ot make it in a form of a biography, but I do not know if I
> >succeeded, even partially. This is just the beginning.
>
> It's a good setup, very much like the intro to a movie, which I think is
> what you were aiming at.

Exactly. I bow to your clairvoyance (lacking of better word)

> The problem is that it reads like something translated from another
> language. Hoping to God that English isn't your first language (otherwise
> I'm being very offensive), you should find someone who does speak English
> as a first language to edit for you. I don't think that would be much
> work for someone to do, but it will make your story easier to read.

Yeah, as you noticed English is not my native language (which is Polish). I
didn't translated it, it has obiously something to do with thought patterns.
Thanks for your comments. Anything else?


Sincerely,
Grzegorz


--
And she comes down to me
And she offers me sleep
Under her black wings
Glenn Danzig