From: | MC23 mc23@**********.com |
---|---|
Subject: | 99 TRUE reasons its great to be a guy |
Date: | Tue, 2 Feb 99 15:51:48 -0500 |
> >
> > 2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
> >
> > 3. You know stuff about tanks and planes.
> >
> > 4. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
> >
> > 5. Football.
> >
> > 6. You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.
> >
> > 7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
> >
> > 8. You can open all your own jars.
> >
> > 9. Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.
> >
> > 10. Dry cleaners and haircutter's don't rob you blind.
> >
> > 11. When clicking through the channel, you don't have to stall on
> > every shot of someone crying.
> >
> > 12. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
> >
> > 13. All your orgasms are real.
> >
> > 14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
> >
> > 15. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
> >
> > 16. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you
> > go.
> >
> > 17. You understand why 'Stripes' is funny.
> >
> > 18. There is always a game on somewhere.
> >
> > 19. Your last name stays put.
> >
> > 20. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
> >
> > 21. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that
> > everyone
> >
> > secretly hates you.
> >
> > 22. You can kill your own food.
> >
> > 23. The garage is all yours.
> >
> > 24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
> >
> > 25. You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
> >
> > 26. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
> >
> > 27. You never have to clean the toilet.
> >
> > 28. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
> >
> > 29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
> >
> > 30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
> >
> > 31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still
> > be your friend.
> >
> > 32. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
> >
> > 33. The National College Cheerleading Championship
> >
> > 34. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
> >
> > 35. You don't have to shave below your neck.
> >
> > 36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every nite.
> >
> > 37. If you're 34 and single nobody notices.
> >
> > 38. You can write your name in the snow.
> >
> > 39. You can get into a pissing contest.
> >
> > 40. Everything on your face stays its original color.
> >
> > 41. Chocolate is just another snack.
> >
> > 42. You can be president.
> >
> > 43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
> >
> > 44. Flowers fix everything.
> >
> > 45. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
> >
> > 46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
> >
> > 47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
> >
> > 48. Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
> >
> > 49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
> >
> > 50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
> >
> > 51. Foreplay is optional.
> >
> > 52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
> >
> > 53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the
> > room.
> >
> > 54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
> >
> > 55. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is
> > coming by.
> >
> > 56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
> >
> > 57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
> >
> > 58. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
> >
> > 59. You can watch a game in silence with your buddy for hours without
> > even thinking. "He must be mad at me".
> >
> > 60. The world is your urinal.
> >
> > 61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is
> > about to leave you.
> >
> > 62. You get to jump up and slap stuff like tvs and stereos when they
> > aren't working.
> >
> > 63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
> >
> > 64. One mood, all the time.
> >
> > 65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look
> > like him.
> >
> > 66. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one is
> > just too dirty.
> >
> > 67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
> >
> > 68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
> >
> > 69. Same work....more pay.
> >
> > 70. Grey hair and wrinkles add character.
> >
> > 71. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch
> > adjustment.
> >
> > 72. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
> >
> > 73. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
> >
> > 74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's
> > population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
> >
> > 75. You don't mooch off others' desserts.
> >
> > 76. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
> >
> > 77. The remote is yours and yours alone.
> >
> > 78. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
> >
> > 79. ESPN's sports center.
> >
> > 80. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
> >
> > 81. Bachelor parties kick ass over bridal showers.
> >
> > 82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
> >
> > 83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
> >
> > 84. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
> >
> > 85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell
> > your friends you've changed.
> >
> > 86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
> >
> > 87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "Fuck it!"
> >
> > 88. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might
> > become lifelong buddies.
> >
> > 89. Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary.
> >
> > 90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
> >
> > 91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in
> > the mood.
> >
> > 92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
> >
> > 93. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer
> > and throw it across the room.
> >
> > 94. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
> >
> > 95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
> >
> > 96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
> >
> > 97. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
> >
> > 98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So ... notice
> > anything different?"
> >
> > 99. Baywatch