| From: | Hobbes Patrol Headquarters <TYGER@****.WINONA.MSUS.EDU> |
|---|---|
| Subject: | And now for something completely diffrent |
| Date: | Thu, 8 Jul 1993 20:21:39 -0500 |
the world the latest thing to hit the streets! No, it's not cyber. No,
it's not new guns. No, it's not "Corp Repellant" from D-Con (But wouldn't
it be nice?) But it is something you might need.
If your one of the unfortunates who can't tune in to 'Radio Free
Seattle', you don't know what your missing! Yeah, it's pirate radio, but
it's GOOD pirate radio. Well, they ran this commercial last night, and I
worked a few connections to get the tape. I'd post the audio, but I know
some of ya don't have speakers. So, I took some PAINSTAKING efforts to put
it to text.
As usual, it's unprotected so you can copy freely and post your own
smart rem... I mean comments. Share and Enjoy!]<<<<
-Tyger <Any Time / Any When>
...the last album put out by Concrete Dreams. They don't make 'em like
that no more. It's 'sabout ten to eleven here at Radio Free Seattle. We
got bills to pay, so back in thirty. >klick<
(Voice is gruff and husky, as if to reassure the people that it's a big
troll or ork talking.)
"So da party's out in the Barens tonight. But ch'oos aint got no beer! Can't
have a good party if you's got's no beer! So you's go out for some, but some
fraggin go-gangers shoot up the keg before it gets there! What'cas gonna
do now?
(Voice changes, it's a bit more like the classical radio announcer.
There's also some background music, sounds a bit like Dennis Shaw's guitar
work from his "Up the Wall" album.)
"You should have gotten BrewShot! BrewShot is good beer. Really good
beer. And it comes in it's own lined can! Each can is guaranteed to
witstand anything from the holdouts to a Fichetti Sec 500a and still hold a
drinkable beer! This from our exhaustive ballistics tests and years of
research.
"BrewShot comes in single cans, six-packs, twelve packs, suitcases, and
kegs in all sizes. Any way you buy it, we guarantee that it will make it
to any occasion! Satisfaction guaranteed!
(Voice changes back to the first one, the music continues however.)
"So's we gots us a kegger of BrewShot. Even tho we got caught on the hard
end of the Raker's rumble, the kegger made it with a couplea scratches n
dents. The party went all night! Sos get yerself the best beer you can
use for cover. BrewShot!"
(Second voice, much faster)
"T.S.F.R. Bottling company, Seattle, UCAS"
-=> Game Notes <=-
These cans, as claimed, really are armored. Individually, the cans have an
armor rating of 4 / 4. These cans are VERY HEAVY and VERY LARGE. They
stand about a foot tall, five inches in diameter, and hold about 20 Fluid
ounces.
The 6-paks to Suitcases also are armored as per the cans. Again, these
things are heavy, and really big. An average troll or orc will have little
to no problem with it, elves, humans, and dwarves aren't so lucky. The
suitrcases have a weight of about 15 to 25, depending on can content.
The kegs are a diffrent matter. They're armoured to about Balistic 5 /
7 Impact. And they weigh around 25 to 40, dependant on how much is in
there.
The cost of the stuff isn't cheap either. A can costs about 10 nuyen, six
pack is 50, 12 pack is 100, suitcases are 200, and kegs run from 500 to
1000 nuyen, dependant on size.
T.S.F.R. isn't stupid, they've arranged with the liquor distributors to
have a return policy. If a can is returned in relatively good shape, they
get %75 back, rounding down. So if a gang buys a suitcase, and returns it
with all the cans intact, they get back 50 nuyen.
If a can isn't in too good of shape, the distributors give less back to the
customer. If someone manages to put a hole in one, for example, they might
only get back %50. On the cans it's pointed out that damaging the cans
will "result in a possible loss or reduction in refund"
Intrestingly enough, they actually get an %80 return rate. It remains
unknown if the loyal are returning the cans they drink, or if they actually
scavange old party sites for them, or what they do to get them.
One final note, the other %20 can be found on enterprising gangers who make
them into cheap armored forearm guards (for thin wrists...), caltrops, and
other destructive devices.
***************************************************************************
Was this too much space to spend on talking about beer? (Naah...)
This whole thing is a result of an 'in joke'. I was doing some recon for a
run, and my contact said "Bring friends, bring guns, and bring beer.
Really good beer. In a lined can." And the joke snowballed into this.
Such is humor, neh?
-Tyger
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!Nikki was a loser. A street kid, left to fend for himself at a young age.
!He was independent, and unpredictable, but harmless. Except now !
!he had a philosophy, and that made him dangerous. !
! -From "Operation LIVEcrime" !
! Queensryche
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