From: | Steven A. Tinner bluewizard@*****.com |
---|---|
Subject: | Ares Warranty Card (Humor) |
Date: | Sun, 29 Aug 1999 07:57:02 -0400 |
In that form it was a McDonnell Douglas warranty card.
I made a few tweaks to it to make it an Ares card.
Kinda funny IMO!
So ... this is On Topic still, right? ;-)
Steven A. Tinner
bluewizard@*****.com
http://listen.to/tinner
"God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier."
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Thank you for purchasing a Ares military product. In order to protect your
new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty
registration card below.
Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will
help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.
1.[_] Mr. [_] Mrs. [_] Ms. [_] Miss [_] Lt. [_] Gen. [_] Comrade [_]
Classified [_] Other
First Name:
.....................................................
Initial: ........
Last Name:
.....................................................
SIN #: ..............................
Street Name:
......................................................
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ........... ...........
2. Which product line was your purchase in?
[_] Ares Arms
[_] Ares Aircraft
[_] Ares Security Equipment
[_] Ares Aerospace
[_] Classified
3.Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 20....... /....... /......
4.Serial Number: ...............................................
5. Please check where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalog showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified
6. Please check how you became aware of the Ares product you have just
purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one
7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to
purchase this Ares product:
[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / maneuverability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] Ares reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat
8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:
[_] CAS
[_] Seattle
[_] Atzlan
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Seattle
[_] Europe
[_] Seattle
[_] Middle East
[_] Seattle
[_] Africa
[_] UCAS (Not Seattle)
[_] PacRim
[_] Seattle
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Either Tir
[_] Classified
[_] Seattle
9. Please check the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in
the near future:
[_] Trideo
[_] Simsense Deck
[_] ICBM
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] Chip Burner
[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
[_] Space Shuttle
[_] Cyberdeck
[_] Nuclear Weapon
10. How would you describe yourself or your organization?
(Check all that apply:)
[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal
[_] Neo Anarchist
[_] Controlled by Immortal Elves
11. How did you pay for your Ares product?
[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal check
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveler's check
[_] Favors
[_] Telesema
[_] Mineral Rights
[_] Tax breaks for Ares Corp.
12. Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Shadowrunner
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Shadowrunner
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Shadowrunner
[_] Eccentric British billionaire (Minor Nobility)
[_] Shadowrunner
[_] Defense Minister / General
[_] Retired
[_] Student
[_] Shadowrunner
13. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please indicate the
interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on
a regular basis:
[_] Golf
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Hanging out in seedy bars waiting for work
[_] Running / jogging
[_] Propaganda / disinformation
[_] Destabilization / overthrow
[_] Default on loans
[_] Gardening
[_] Crafts
[_] Breaking and Entering
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[_] Corporate Extracions
[_] Watching combat sports on trid
[_] Wines
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction
Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers
will be used in market studies that will help Ares serve you better in the
future - as well as allowing you to receive e-mailings and special offers
from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious
consortia.
As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a
brand new Yellowjacket Attack Helicopter in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!
Comments or suggestions about our weapons and equipment? Please email:
Ares Marketing Department
Military Aerospace Division