| From: | Steven Ratkovich <chaos@*****.COM> |
|---|---|
| Subject: | Halloween Fluff |
| Date: | Fri, 18 Oct 1996 03:49:37 -0500 |
well as good advice for everyday living, so I've posted it here for the main
list...:)
Apologies to those who have already seen it from PlotD...:)
HALLOWEEN SURVIVAL GUIDE
--------------------------------------
!) When it appears that you have killed the monster, *never* check to
see if it's really dead.
2) If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was
once a church that was used for black masses, had previous
inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some
horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed necrophilia or
satanic practices in your house, move away immediately.
3) Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
4) Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone
out.
5) If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which
they should not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is
other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of
grief in the long run. NOTE: It will probably take several rounds to kill
them, so be prepared.
6) When you have the benefit of numbers, *never* pair off and go it
alone.
7) As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
8) Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave,
tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead.
9) If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out
that it's just the cat, *leave the room immediately if you value your=
life.*
10) If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.
11) Do not take *anything* from the dead.
12) If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a reason.
Take the hint and stay away.
13) Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure
you know what you are doing.
14) If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at
least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that,
despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely
shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
15) If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic
behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes,
increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as
possible.
16) Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are
listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (God help you
if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in
Maine.
17) If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby
deserted-looking house to phone for help.
18) Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple
guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers,
butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any device made from
deceased companions.
