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Mailing List Logs for ShadowRN

Message no. 1
From: "J.D. Falk" <jdfalk@****.CAIS.COM>
Subject: NON-SR: Darth Vader Purity Test
Date: Thu, 2 Mar 1995 20:28:56 -0500
Yeah, okay, this has nothing to do with Shadowrun. However, Darth
Vader is a very popular topic on this list at times (thanks to both the
listmember calling himself Darth Vader, and to the real Darth's distant
cousin Doctor Doom.)

How good a Darth Vader would you make?

This test will require a No. 2 lead hydrospanner and a black Scantron.
Separate paper will be distributed for the essay section.

Multiple Choice Section:

1 What color is your cape/cloak?
a) White or grey
b) Mauve or fluorescent orange
c) Brown or blue
d) Pure black

2 Describe your voice:
a) A mellifluous tenor, radiating peace and light
b) High and squeaky, kind of like the noise generated by hitting
a mouse with a mallet (and now for something completely different!)
c) Strong and commanding, with deep overtones of control and evil
d) Low enough to shatter windows and gravely as a sea bed, kind
of like you'd been hit in the throat by a semi when you were four

3 Describe your Force skills:
a) I am a Jedi, like my father before me.
b) I don't have any Force skills, but I do get good cable
c) I have just enough Force sensitivity to say "I have a bad
feeling about this" with authority.
d) I can crush your puny larynx like a grape, you dweeb.

4 An officer under your command informs you that, through his
own incompetence, he has allowed your Rebel quarry to escape. You:
a) Tell him in a kind, understanding, voice that he really should
try harder.
b) Give him a blender and do the dance of joy.
c) Fire him and cancel his Christmas bonus.
d) Kill him, then spit on his lifeless body.

5 The _new_ officer under your command informs you that, through no
fault of his own, the Rebel scum have escaped. You:
a) Pat him on the back and say that you understand, everyone has
a bad day now and then.
b) Click your ruby heels together three times and say, "There's
no place like Burger King, there's no place like Burger King."
c) Commend him for trying and send him back to his post.
d) Kill him, then kick his lifeless body.

6 _His_ replacement, through no fault of his own, steps on your
toe. You:
a) Smile understandingly and step to the side.
b) Ask him to do it again.
c) Step on his toe.
d) Kill him, then have his body fed to the Rancor.

7 Luke Skywalker is your:
a) Best friend.
b) Dog.
c) Feared persecutor.
d) Arch-enemy. Or son. Your choice.

8 Complete the following sentence:
"You are part of the Rebel Alliance and a...
a) ...really nice guy. I respect you, sir."
b) ...chicken. Or was it lizard? I can never remember..."
c) ...traitor. Take her away!"
d) ...corpse. Good riddance." (this is the only one Vader

9 The Emperor calls you his:
a) enemy
b) nephew
c) doormat
d) right hand

10 Which portion of the body do you prefer to crush and squeeze
with the Force?
a) None, I give loving hugs.
b) the bladder
c) the heart or brain
d) All of them, but the trachea if I'm just practicing.

Optional strategy section:
Given a copy of the Mona Lisa, Dali's Persistence of Time, and
a crayon drawing of mommy, daddy, and kat, how long would it take you
to destroy human civilization?
a) Ten years
b) Twelve parsecs
c) A day
d) Ten minutes

Optional ethics section:
You are given a choice between killing a kitten and eating a
Twinkie. You:
a) Give them both a hug
b) Kill the Twinkie
c) Kill the kitten
d) Kill the kitten with the Twinkie

Optional xenobiology section:
What alien species would you most like to exterminate?
a) Hutts
b) Tribbles
c) Ewoks
d) Non-humans

Optional navigation section:
You have the fastest ship in the galaxy. How fast can you do
the Kessel Run?
a) 12 parsecs
b) 12 liters
c) 12 days
d) 12 Rebel corpses

Optional Jedi Knight section:
What is the power of this technological terror insignificant
a) The power of the Force.
b) The power that only wet suction can muster.
c) The power of _that_ technological terror.
d) The power of me.

You are trapped, alone, on a desert planet. What five things
do you take with you, and who do you kill with them?


If you answered (a majority of the time):

a) You are a Rebel weenie. Get off the net, you dweeb.
b) You are an idiot. I'd tell you to get off the net, too, but
you wouldn't understand me.
c) You have the cold-blooded ruthlessness to rise high in the
Empire. Good luck!
d) You are a Dark Lord of the Sith. Go kick some Rebel ass.
Message no. 2
From: Jani Fikouras <feanor@**********.UNI-BREMEN.DE>
Subject: Re: NON-SR: Darth Vader Purity Test
Date: Thu, 9 Mar 1995 13:25:27 +0100
> Yeah, okay, this has nothing to do with Shadowrun. However, Darth
> Vader is a very popular topic on this list at times (thanks to both the
> listmember calling himself Darth Vader, and to the real Darth's distant
> cousin Doctor Doom.)

Just for the record, I used to be Darth Vader, but have changed my email
address. I thought it would be a neat idea to go under my real life name for
a while :)

BTW: Is Kyle Koler still on the list? We had some pretty cool exchanges
back then when the psionic stuff was still discussed on shadowrn.

"Believe in Angels." -- The Crow

GCS d>- H s+: !g p? !au a- w+ v-(?) C+++ UA++S++L+>++++ P-- (aren't we all?)
L+>+++ 3 E--- N+ K W(+)(---) M-- !V(--) -po+(---) Y+ t++ 5+ !j(-) R+++(--)
!G tv(++) b++ D+ B- e+ u++(-) h*(+) f+ r- n!(----) y?

Further Reading

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These messages were posted a long time ago on a mailing list far, far away. The copyright to their contents probably lies with the original authors of the individual messages, but since they were published in an electronic forum that anyone could subscribe to, and the logs were available to subscribers and most likely non-subscribers as well, it's felt that re-publishing them here is a kind of public service.