From: | Logan Graves logan1@*****.intercom.net |
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Subject: | [not-OT] You Know the Mage on Your Team's From the CAS, when... |
Date: | Thu, 04 Feb 1999 20:04:57 -0500 |
YOU KNOW THE MAGE ON YOUR TEAM'S FROM THE C.A.S. ...
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WHEN S/He. . .
1. has a ceremonial garb consisting of cut-offs and a tube top.
2. thinks a "family tradition" is a dating club.
3. has reached the 3rd degree but not the 3rd grade.
4. belongs to a magickal order whose secret names for their Dark Lords
are "Cooter" and "Sweet Cheeks."
5. owns a ceremonial chalice which says "Budweiser" on it.
6. considers chewing tobacco a sacred herb.
7. includes the words "dosey-do" in their hermetic circle dance.
8. uses a photo of John Wayne's star on the Hollywood "Walk Of Fame" as
an altar pentacle.
9. chooses their initiate group's High Priest at a belching contest and
...
10. chooses their High Priestess at a wet t-shirt night.
11. uses anointing oil which smells like "Old Spice."
12. has ever refilled their ceremonial chalice from a keg.
13. has a Demi-Goddess picture that says "Miss September" at the bottom
or ...
14. has a Demi-God statue that looks a little too much like Elvis
Presley.
15. has ever performed spell research on the back of a Denny's menu.
16. routinely cancels ritual meetings to watch Pay-Per-View wrestling on
TV.
17. has children, dogs, boy/girl-friends, and/or familiars with the same
"magickal" names ("Skeeter! Git on over here an' cast this circle!").
18. has "cakes and ale" which look suspiciously like moonpies and a cold
"Bud."
19. uses a magesword which says "Power Rangers" on it.
20. owns a "Book Of Shadows" or Grimoire with a picture of Kyle Petty or
Dale Earnhart on it.
21. uses a divination kit consisting of a picture of Dionne Warwick and
a 1-900 number.
22. believes that a pilgrimage to a sacred circle is going to the Indy
500.
23. owns a ceremonial head-dress with a bill, which says "Chevrolet" on
it or ...
24. uses a Sabbat Queen's head-dress made out of those little nylon
flowers the veterans hand out in front of the supermarket.
25. chooses "Jim Bob" or "Stormin Normin" as a magickal name.
26. believes that "charging" is done with a Master Card.
27. has a Balefire that says "Coleman" on it.
28. underwent an initiatory ordeal consisting of being blind-folded with
a confederate flag and leg-wrestling.
29. believes a Magickal festival consists of a tailgate party and
tickets to the Super Brawl.
30. has several volumes of ceremonial chants by Garth Brooks.
31. belongs to a initiate group whose guided meditations start out with
a burger & buffalo wings at the local "Hooter's."
32. believes "Gerald Gardner" is a piece of farm equipment. (Gerald
Gardner started the Gardnerian Pagan Tradition in the 1940's).
33. has ever called the "National Enquirer" or "CAS Today" because
they
raised a potato that resembled the Willendorf Goddess.
34. has ever tried to work love magick on livestock and failed.
35. And finally, if your team's spellcasater has a War-Wagon (or
"mage-stead") with "Winnebago" stenciled on the side, S/He is NOT
necessarily from the CAS, but if that War-Wagon's up on blocks, well . .
.
--Fenris
______________________________________________________logan1@*****.intercom.net
(>) "Y'all watch this . . . "
(>) stereotypical 'famous last words' of "redneck" shadowrunners