Message no. 1

From:	Kenneth Horner <kwhorner@*******.edu>
Subject:	Picking on them elves
Date:	Sat, 30 Mar 1996 13:36:25 -0800 (PST)

Since you all have been picking on us elves, I thought I would respond a
quick as I could (for an elf) to defend our race. Here are some reasons
that you might think about when bashing us.

Best Ten things about being an Elf:
-----------------------------------
10. Sentanced to ten years? Take up a new hobby!

9. Motely Crue wishes they could look _half_ as good as you do in makeup.

8. You can pick up great chicks and/or hunks on a bad hair day.

7. Piercing fiends envy your ears like dwarves envy ZZ Top's beards.

6. You never have bad hair days.

5. Maria Mecrurial wishes she could look half as good as you do in makeup.

4. Much easier to brush flat teeth than pointy ones.

3. Never need a footstool for getting things off the top shelf.

2. You _always_ win at "slapjack".

and the #1 thing that is great about being an elf:

1. Being part of the biggest racial conspiracy in the world(a title
recently held by the jews, just ask John Lovitz).

Nutcracker