Message no. 1

From:	Mike Trebbien <mvt@*************.com>
Subject:	Various virus warnings (non SR, but related to Good Times)
Date:	Fri, 2 Feb 1996 08:24:32 -0500

Since everyone seems to be talking about the Good Times
Virus, I thought I'd forward the list my sysadmin sent me a
while back.

Happy Scanning

>The following virus warnings have been issued by Silicon
>Valley. Check your machines to see if any are present on
>your computers.
>
>OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks
>to 80MB and then slowly expands back to 200MB.
>
>AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great
>service you are getting.
>
>MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're
>paying too much for the AT&T virus.
>
>PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse
>around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack---once if
>by LAN, twice if by C:.
>
>POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus", but
>instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".
>
>RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file,
>regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a
>file, it requires you to first see a counselor about
>possible alternatives
>
>MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: It would be a great virus, but it refuses
>to run.
>
>TED TURNER VIRUS: It colorizes your monochrome monitor.
>
>ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS: It terminates and stays
>resident. It'll be back.
>
>DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: It prevents your system from spawning any
>child process without joining into a binary network.
>
>DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #2: Theirs sumthing rong wit yor komputer,
>u jsut cant figyour out whatt!
>
>GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your
>diagnostic software says everything is fine.
>
>FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: It divides your hard disk into
>hundreds of little units, each of which does practically
>nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important
>part of your computer.
>
>GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38
>percent of their data 14 percent of the time.(Plus or minus
>3.5 percent margin of error.)
>
>TERRY RANDLE VIRUS: It prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you
>chose "Abort" from the "Abort" "Retry" "Fail"
message.
>
>TEXAS VIRUS: It makes sure that it's bigger than any other
>file.
>
>ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: It takes a couple of bytes out of your
>Apple.
>
>CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up and the screen
>splits erratically with a message appearing on each half
>blaming the other side for the problem.
>
>CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2: It runs every program on the hard
>drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to
>accomplish anything.
>
>AIRLINE VIRUS: You're in El Segundo, but your data is in
>Singapore.
>
>FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying
>its own motherboard.
>
>PBS VIRUS: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for
>money.
>
>ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then
>self destructs; only to resurface at shopping malls across
>America.
>
>OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: It causes your printer to become a paper
>shredder.
>
>NIKE VIRUS: It just does it.
>
>SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless you buy new
>cables, power supply, and a set of shocks.
>
>JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your programs can never be found.
>
>KEVORKIAN VIRUS: It helps your computer shut down as an act
>of mercy.
>
>IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS: It sings you a song (slightly off key)
>on boot up, then subtracts money from your Qicken account
>and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through
>Prodigy.
>
>STAR TREK VIRUS: It invades your system in places where no
>virus has gone before.
>
>HEALTH CARE VIRUS: It tests your system for a day, finds
>nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4500.
>
>GEORGE BUSH VIRUS: It starts by boldly stating, "Read my
>docs...No new files!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up
>all free space on your hard drive with new files, then
>blames it on the CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS.
>
>CLEVELAND INDIANS VIRUS: It makes your 486/50 machine
>perform like a 286/AT.
>
>LAPD VIRUS: It claims it feels threatened by other files on
>your PC and erases them in "self defense".
>
>CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS: Your PC makes frequent mistakes and
>comes in last in the reviews, but you still love it.
>
>ORAL ROBERTS VIRUS: It claims that if you don't send it a
>million dollars, it's programmer will take it back.
>
>Use your virus scan to check for any of these viruses. Don't
>let any of these viruses corrupt your programs or hard
>drive.
Mike Trebbien

mvt@*************.com

Decaffeination: A bodily function