| From: | Spike <u5a77@*****.CS.KEELE.AC.UK> |
|---|---|
| Subject: | Another seasonal silly............. |
| Date: | Mon, 23 Dec 1996 23:16:06 +0000 |
I like it.....
but......
WARNING... FOUL LANGUAGE... ERASE IF OFFENDS
You have been warned........
___________
December 14, 1993
Dearest Bob,
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear
tree. What a thoroughly delightful gift. I couldn't have been more
surprised.
With deepest love and affection,
Violet
December 15, 1993
Dearest Bob,
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine - two turtle
doves!! I'm delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just too
adorable.
My everlasting love,
Violet
December 16, 1993
My dear Bob,
Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one! Now I actually must protest. I don't
deserve such generosity - three French hens! They are just darling,
but I must insist -- you've been too, too kind.
All my love,
Violet
December 17, 1993
Dear Bob,
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now, really, they ARE
beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You are just being too
romantic.
Love,
Violet
December 18, 1993
Dear Bob,
What a marvelous surprise! Today the postman delivered five gold rings,
one for every finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. To tell you
the truth, all these lovely birds can really squawk and are getting on my
nerves.
Affectionately,
Violet
December 19, 1993
Bob,
Today the postman knocked and ran. When I opened the door, there were
actually six geese-a-laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds
again. Those geese are huge. Where in the name of creation will I ever keep
them? The neighbors are complaining, rightly so, and it is impossible to
sleep through the racket. Now let this be the end of this.
Cordially,
Violet
December 20, 1993
Bob:
What the hell's with you and these fucking birds? Seven swans-a-swimming?
What kind of goddamn joke is this? There's bird shit all over the house and
they never stop with the racket. I can't get a damn bit of sleep and I'm a
nervous wreck. Stop with this sadistic nonsense. This is not funny and I am
very unhappy.
Sincerely,
Violet
December 21, 1993
O.K., Pal!
What in the screaming hell am I going to do with eight maids-a-milking?
Jesus! I think I prefer the goddamn birds. The goddamn maids-a-milking
had to bring their goddamn cows. There is cow shit all over my lawn and bird
shit all over the house. I can't even move my feet.
Just leave me the hell alone, smartass. Vi
December 22, 1993
Listen, Shithead!
You sadistic bastard! I now have nine pipers piping in my front yard and
they are standing knee deep in cow shit. This, after chasing those maids
all night long. Consequently, upsetting the cows to the point that they are
stepping all over the screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors
have started a petition to evict me.
Up yours,
Vi
December 23, 1993
You rotten PRICK!
Now there's ten ladies dancing. I don't know why I call those sluts ladies.
They've been balling those pipers all night long. Now the goddamn cows can't
sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of shit. The
Commisioner of Zoning and the Building Inspector have subpoenaed me to give
just cause as to why this building should not be condemned.
I'm calling the police!
I mean it, by god
December 24, 1993
Listen, FUCKHEAD:
>Never in my wildest imagination did I ever think that I would be witness
to eleven Lords-a-leaping on that many maids and ladies. They took those
broads like Grant took Richmond and many will never walk exactly right
again. I wasn't the only witness, by the way. The "60 Minutes" camera crew
and staff
are just loading up their cameras and equipment on a chartered plane and are
racing against time to have the first Christmas Special on Pay TV. For the
record, all 23 of the birds are dead. They were trampled to death in the
orgy. As God is my witness, some how, some day, I'LL GET YOU! I never want
to see your fucking face again as long as I live.
>Miss Violet Monica Habersham
Law Offices
Goldstien, Silverberg, and O'Reily
December 25, 1993
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve drummers drumming, which
you have seen fit to inflict upon our client, Miss Violet Monica Habersham.
The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our
attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss Habersham at the West County
Sanitarium, the attendants have been instructed to shoot you on sight!
With this letter please find attached, a warrant for your arrest.
Sincerely,
Anthony Gionetti
Associate
Scott D. Morris | Atlanta, GA, USA No one can help you
sdmorris@**********.com | AOL:SDM24601 or hurt you,
http://www.mindspring.com/~sdmorris like someone you love.
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|Principal subjects in:- | "I think so brain, but this time, you control |
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