| From: | Ereskanti <Ereskanti@***.COM> |
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| Subject: | Re: [OT] I talk to GOD |
| Date: | Wed, 24 Dec 1997 18:05:26 EST |
> <offensive><really_big_font><rant>
> If you are easily offended by religious discussions, please delete and
> disregard this message. You have been warned.
And so noted, I go forward, into the desert like a wild ass......
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> Alright, you're still here. That's good. You should listen to
> everything I have to say, because it IS important, and it IS Right.
Of course, whatever you say is writ ;)
> I talk to God. Many years ago, he told me that SRII was the One
> True Gaming System (hereafter abbreviated OTGS). He told me that if
> I didn't want to Burn In H***, I had to play by the published rules
> of every ShadowRun sourcebook, adventure, and novel. Remember, this
> was God telling me to do it, so it had to be Right.
Really?!? Oh wow, I think I'm so far beyond damned that I have no choice...
> Initially I had some problems. There were things that, to my
> imperfect human perception, appeared to be contradictory. I had to
> ask God what certain rules meant, but he was happy to tell me how to
> play. For example, the rules on Watchers in the Grimoire say that
> they can't affect the real world. Contradicting this, the Corp Sec
> book has a little story about a Sec Mage who tells a Watcher to push
> an alarm button if it sees anything wrong astrally. Fortunately, God
> cleared this little problem up for me during a little talk I had with
> Him in 1995. Good thing, I don't want to play Wrong, or D*** my
> players to Burn In H*** for all eternity. For the rest of you, I
> recommend you start talking to God so you can Save yourselves and
> your players.
Of course, repentance is the way of salvation...tell me, has his Son left any
messages, I'm still waiting for a particular reply...
> By the way, I could pass on His words concerning things like the
> right way to round Karma, or whether or not you can ground through
> Quickened spells, but I won't. You'll have to ask Him yourself.
> Unfortunately, I don't think He'll talk to any of you. After all,
> you've all been playing ShadowRun WRONG all this time. He considers
> it Blasphemy, he told me! He also told me that my gaming group will
> be the only one in Heaven, that's how I know I'm the only one doing
> it Right!
Oh my, can you give me your address and is their housing available in your
neighborhood, I want to be saved...let's start a Cult!!!!
> If you really wish to repent, then here are some guidelines to
> go by. As I said before, you have to use ALL of the official FASA
> Sourcebooks, adventures, and novels in your game. If an official
> FASA product comes out that contradicts something you're doing in
> your game, then you have to retroactively change your game so it was
> always right. You can't just cover up your mistakes, God will know.
> Failure to retroactively change your game is a ThoughtCrime,
> punishable by the usual Burn In H*** for all Eternity. You have to
> embrace all official FASA Shadowrun material as the Word of God.
Do I need to chastise myself for this as well, I have a straying mind and will
often need much help in keeping my thoughts (ouch!!! whipcrack!!! Yes
Lord...more, More Lord) in line...
> Oops, I almost forgot. I don't use Rigger 2 or the Companion
> because they are the Works of the Devil (tm)! God told me so. I
> couldn't return them, so I just burned them to make sure they
> didn't fall into the wrong hands.
But as they are works of the devil, did you have to use Holy Oil. I have had
trouble getting my Harlequin's book to burn too (that is the Devil on the
front right?).
> By the way, God mentioned that ShadowRun is the OTGS because it
> really DOES reflect reality. He should know, He created it (reality
> that is)!
And since it is a reflection of reality, it is it's own opposite...and that's
an entirely different tale...
> One last thing... If you think I'm wrong, then you're wrong.
> You're also stupid, ugly, short-sighted, lazy, and disgusting. You
> can't spel, you're a munchkin, and everyone hates you. I'm only
> telling you all this because you need to know that I'm Right.
> Everyone needs to know that I'm Right.
I know! I Hear! I Obey! Hallelujah!!!!!!!
> Next week, I'll discuss the Holy Awakenings book, and how I've
> been using it since my campaign started in 1980. You'd better read
> my review and agree with it, if you want to get into Heaven.
Just give me the web site or send me a copy via email...my soon to be new
address will be "borntobedamned@*****.firmament.com"
> By the way, He said to say Happy Chanukah. But that's another story.
> </rant></really_big_font></offensive>
But did he tell us the ultimate fate of Kenny?!?!?!?!?!? That -IS- what
really counts...
-K (who just couldn't resist this one, Retail on Christmas Eve...what a
blast!!!)
