| From: | Logan Graves logan1@*****.intercom.net |
|---|---|
| Subject: | [OT] How to annoy women! |
| Date: | Thu, 04 Feb 1999 20:04:40 -0500 |
for
hers.
2. Surprise her by decorating the house: tack up your favorite posters
from
college, hang your tennis racket collection on the wall in a pleasing
montage, buy wind chimes.
3. Refuse to put out the picnic table until August, then don't put it
back
in the garage until December.
4. Promise to paint the living room this week.
5. Promise to paint the living room--next weekend.
6. Promise to paint the living room "soon."
7. Say, "why go to all the trouble to paint the living room when you're
just
going to move eventually anyway?"
8. Renew your subscription to Playboy--and be sure to have at least one
copy
visible when her mother comes to visit.
9. Refuse to get rid of all your National Geographics fron the 1950's.
10. Refuse to let her put your high school wrestling trophies in the
attic.
11. Assure her periodically that you're going to clean out the garage.
Then
just rearrange the stuff in it.
12. Refuse to decide which drill REALLY works and throw away the other
two.
13. Refure to throw away the unidentifiable metal object in the garage
because, "it might come in handy some day."
14. Collect rubber bands, bread ties, and empty jars and then refuse to
throw them away because, "who knows when we'll need them?"
15. Challenge yourself: see how long you can go without changing your
underwear.
16. Talk to the dog instead of her.
17. Pet the cats, play with the cats, but catnip-stuffed toys with
bells...but never clean the litter box.
18. After much nagging, remember to pick up her dry cleaning, then toss
it
on the bed for the cats to sleep on.
19. Ask, "Where's my wallet? Where are my keys? Where's the remote?
Where's my to-do list? Where's my address book? Where's the cat?" But
when
you're behind the wheel of a car, NEVER ask, "where are we?"
20. Lecture her about compulsive clothes shopping, then go out and buy
20
CD's for yourself.
21. Complain about her spending habits, but refuse to let her try to
find a
job.
22. Offer unsolicited advice on balancing her checkbook.
23. When you do go shopping, buy another pair of sneakers; you can
never
have too many.
24. Put empty juice/milk/soda bottles back in the fridge: "I thought
there
was some more left."
25. Buy frozen pizzas, frozen buritos, potato chips, Cheez Whiz, and
Oreos
when it's your turn to get groceries.
26. Drink orange juice right out of the container.
27. Make coffee or tea for yourself in the morning and leave the milk
out
when you're finished.
28. Make coffee or tea for yourself in the morning and put the milk
back--in the cabinet.
29. Eat an entire container of ice cream in one sitting.
30. Kid her about gaining 5 pounds--after you've just put on an extra
25.
31. Lose weight faster then she does.
32. When she craves choclate chip cookies, suggest she have celery to
"help
her on her diet."
33. When she's trying to diet, tell her, "you look just right honey, go
ahead and have desert." Then later, tease her about not fitting into
last
year's shorts.
34. Suggest that maybe she might find a one-piece bathing suit more
comfortable.
35. Make sure there's always pleny of dirty laundry. Change clothes at
least three times a day--even after wearing a shirt for only an hour, be
sure
to stuff it in the hamper. (This is much easier than folding it up and
replacing it in the drawer.) It also helps to use a new towel every
time you
shower.
--Fenris
______________________________________________________logan1@*****.intercom.net
(>) "What are the chances that I could lose 49 patients
in the same day? Let's find out, shall we? Next!"
(>) Dr. Oscar Schneiderbunk, Shadowcutter.
