| From: | MC23 mc23@**********.com |
|---|---|
| Subject: | mad cow dis-ease |
| Date: | Fri, 5 Feb 99 01:24:48 -0500 |
FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts
them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all
the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and
puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by
ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government
took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and
as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take
care of them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of
them, and you all share the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but
the government takes all the milk.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you for
keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts
you.
PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the
milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone
to tell you who gets the milk.
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you
vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for
speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".
BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps' brains and
they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what
you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to
milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and
pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms
accounting for the missing cows..
ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or
your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.
CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your
publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your
brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with
associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax
deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are
transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company
secretly owned by the majority
shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the
listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows,
with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the
feng shiu is bad.
ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking
or killing them.
FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.
TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies
they ever existed. Milk is banned.
COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man. You got
to have some of this milk.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take
harmonica lessons.
LIBERTARIANISM: You have two cows. One has actually read the
constitution, believes in it, and has some really good ideas about
government. The cow runs for office, and while most people agree that the
cow is the best candidate, nobody except the other cow votes for her
because they think it would be "throwing their vote away."
