| From: | Paul J. Adam Paul@********.demon.co.uk |
|---|---|
| Subject: | Munchkins? How about a Loony instead? |
| Date: | Sat, 7 Aug 1999 00:32:30 +0100 |
runnerpaul@*****.com writes
>You know, this thread about the British munchkin got me thinking in a
>tangent direction.
>
>What's that old textfile, the one that categorizes gamers into "Real
>Men", "Real Role-players", "Munchkins", and
"Loonies"?
The Classes of Shadowrun Player
The Role-Player
The Real Man(TM)
The Munchkin
The Lunatic
Favourite Character Type
The Role-Player: Gang member, reporter, detective, decker
The Real Man(TM): Mercenary, samurai, physical adept
The Munchkin: Lofwyr the Great Dragon, Damon Knight, God Almighty
The Lunatic: Rockers, escaped mental patients, Barney the Dinosaur
Favourite Weapon
The Role-Player: Hold-out pistols, knives, tasers, no weapon at all
The Real Man(TM): Pump-action shotguns, suppressed submachineguns,
Savalette Guardians, combat axes
The Munchkin: A modified hold-out pistol firing belt-fed assault cannon
ammo at full-auto with no recoil penalty, with underbarrel nuclear
missile launcher and monofilament whip (total concealability 12)
The Lunatic: Rubber chickens, chainsaws and an Ares Squirt loaded with
LSD
Favourite Cyberware
The Role-Player: Cranial cyberdecks, headware memory, cortex bombs,
fingertip compartments full of mysterious paydata
The Real Man(TM): Cyberspurs, wired reflexes, smartgun links, cybereyes
The Munchkin: A full-body Borg conversion, Move-By-Wire IV, and 30
points of hardened armour that looks completely normal
The Lunatic: A "Mr Studd" from CP2020... adapted to a forehead mount
Typical Line
The Role-Player: "This doesn't look good... I think we should blow the job
off. Too dangerous."
The Real Man(TM): "Fall back! I'll give covering fire!"
The Munchkin: "Don't worry. If Aztechnology give us trouble, I'll just buy
them out and take them over."
The Lunatic: "You know, you dragons think you're sooooo clever just
because you're bigger than us..."
Favourite Spells
The Role-Player: Analyse Truth, Detect Guns, Clairvoyance
The Real Man(TM): Mana Bolt, Fireball, Mindprobe
The Munchkin: Create Platinum Credstick, Shapechange Into Dragon,
Summon and Bind Cthulhu
The Lunatic: Shapechange Into Invisible Pink Unicorn, Summon and Taunt
Cthulhu, Turn Self To Goo
Style of Dress
The Role-Player: Worn trenchcoats, down-at-heel shoes, stubble
The Real Man(TM): Combat fatigues or leather jeans, mirror shades
The Munchkin: Armani suit, with concealed military-grade armour
The Lunatic: Bathing costumes, fishnet stockings, anything sequinned,
musical underpants
Negotiating Style
The Role-Player: "Of course, we checked up on you in the meantime...
does your Site Security Officer, Major Williams, know about this little
discussion? Would you like her to? Then please, I'm sure you'll come to
see things our way."
The Real Man(TM): "Why should you listen to me? Because I'm holding a
thermal detonator..."
The Munchkin: "Oh, and say hello to Damien Knight for me when you see
him. Damien and I, we're like that we are, best mates..."
The Lunatic: "If you don't agree to pay us what we want, I'm going to
scream and scream and scream until I'm sick, and then I'll hold my
breath until I turn blue and die!"
Most Likely to Say
The Role-Player: "I call my contact and ask her what she knows. I offer
her the information about the Welinsky kidnapping as sweetener."
The Real Man(TM): <KA-CLICK> "Go on... make my day!"
The Munchkin: "But my last GM said it was okay..."
The Lunatic: "BAD TRIP! BAD TRIP! BAD TRIP!" (while banging head on
wall)
Least Likely to Say:
The Role-Player: "Just because you're the GM doesn't mean you're in
charge!"
The Real Man(TM): "Actually, I don't think the violent approach is
appropriate here."
The Munchkin: "Well, if you say it doesn't suit your game I guess I can't do
it..."
The Lunatic: "My character sits quietly and listens..."
Character Background
The Role-Player: 20 pages of meticulous detail
The Real Man(TM): Descriptions of Special Forces training, then four
years in the military "assigned to miscellaneous duties" before
retirement due to "mistaken attempt to permanently separate individual
from service".
The Munchkin: "My mother runs Aztechnology and my father owns Ares.
And I'm just running the shadows for fun because I get given Renraku
when I reach 21, but it's held in a trust fund until then."
The Lunatic: "Who am I? Where am I? How did I get here? Who are you?"
Meeting the Fixer
The Role-Player: "I walk in, calm and assured, looking like I belong. I sit
and wait... my fixer will either join me, or give me a waveoff."
The Real Man(TM): "I throw in a concussion grenade and wait for my fixer
to stagger out."
The Munchkin: "I use a Control Fixer spell to make him say "Here! Take
ten times as much money as we agreed, even though you didn't do the
job!""
The Lunatic: "I walk into the bar and shout "WE'RE THE TEAM WHO NAILED
ARES LAST WEEK AND YAMAETSU THE WEEK BEFORE THAT! IS OUR
FIXER HERE? WE'VE GOT ALL THE PAYDATA READY!""
Character Personal Life:
The Role-Player: Roleplays the character's complex emotional problems
The Real Man(TM): Roleplays the character's fixation with a pneumatic
blonde simsense starlet
The Munchkin: "I call my girlfriend. She's a blonde simsense starlet with
loads of money and really, really big..."
The Lunatic: "I call my girlfriend. Flossie? Flossie? Bless your beautiful
white fleece, Flossie, you're the most lovely sheep in Seattle..."
Character Death Scene
The Role-Player: Shot dead by a sniper while leaving his coffin hotel,
reason and motive unknown
The Real Man(TM): Last seen holding off a Dragon with pistol fire so his
teammates could escape. Listed as "missing", not "dead".
The Munchkin: Vapourised when the nuclear hand grenade he was building
prematurely detonated. Insists he can be resurrected as his identical
twin clone-brother.
The Lunatic: Assassinated by his own teammates: electrocuted when
trying to deck into a system through a power socket: shot while
resisting arrest (for jaywalking)
Relationships With The Police
The Role-Player: Has lengthy, Chandleresque interviews that end with the
police saying things like "You can walk, for now. But don't walk far."
The Real Man(TM): Subcontracts to rescue SWAT teams in emergencies.
Spends most of his time on bail for firearms offences.
The Munchkin: His brother is Chief of Police for that city. Set a run in
Denver, and he has an uncle who is Chief there. He has a large family
and all of them are cops this week. Last week they were all in corporate
security: they get around a lot.
The Lunatic: Headbutts police cars for a dare, says "If you're so smart how
come you're just a cop?"
Bribing People
The Role-Player: "Three pieces of ID? Well, I have two pictures of Garraty
and one of Reagan here..."
The Real Man(TM): "I can bribe you with gold or pay you in lead. Which
would you prefer?"
The Munchkin: "I roll my Bribery skill. Eighty-six successes! *He* gives me
all *his* money and forgets he ever saw me."
The Lunatic: "Go on, officer. Forget you ever saw me and you can have
this nice candy bar. I hardly chewed it at all..."
Vehicles
The Role-Player: A battered Jackrabbit, an anonymous Americar, or a
worn-out pair of shoes
The Real Man(TM): Anything by Harley-Davidson, especially if it mounts
guns
The Munchkin: A GMC Banshee that looks exactly like a Jackrabbit and
gets three hundred miles to the gallon.
The Lunatic: A motor scooter covered in pink fluff, a VW Beetle called
"Herbie", a rocket-propelled skateboard
Favourite Stories to Base Shadowruns On
The Role-Player: Anything by Raymond Chandler or H. P. Lovecraft
The Real Man(TM): Aliens, Predator, Die Hard, and anything directed by
John Woo
The Munchkin: Anything by Lovecraft ("Go on, Cthulhu. Do you feel
lucky?")
The Lunatic: Godzilla and Rodan Meet Mothra, Army of Darkness, Magic
Roundabout - The Movie
--
Paul J. Adam
