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Message no. 1
From: Michael R. Goldberg mrgoldbe@**.netcom.com
Subject: color glass (part 2...)
Date: Tue, 23 Feb 1999 22:36:53 -0600 (CST)
***** INTERNAL: Jester's musings
>>>>>[ I heard these words, echoing through my skull. Tis not me,
just another ghost. An era ends, and when shall the next begin?

I, a humble decker and fool, wish for better times, yet all that
remains are the shattered dreams. Fatherless once more, a young girl
feels so alone -- trapped in this world of bizarre adults that act more
the child than she does. A grieving wife trapped by choices and blame
that smothers more sure than an assassins garrote. No one is to blame
for these turns of the events, and yet, there is plenty going around.

Some days, I wheeze on so. A wonder I'm not some old bag who doesn't
know when to shut up. I'm reminded of what a person once told me --
speak plainly, Fool.

For once I shall endeavor, for whatever that is worth. Not much I
suspect. Due to honour and respect for my friends and coworkers, I
have no transmission to add. Only my, ill-fitted, words. The fool
once more since he deserves more than a mere Jester's ramblings.

I only know him as Death. Amazingly, for a man that was supposed to be
in his decline and mental facilities in question, he was one of the
most brilliant I have ever met. He met me, and for whatever bizarre
reasons, he liked what he saw. He wanted to bring me into his crew,
but respected that I went to work for Geiger.

I worked with Death and his crew twice. Once to save that ingrate
called Nightmare and clear Blitzkrieg's name. Then again in Boston to
help out Gunner. The third time was a charm. Atlanta. A job gone
most decidedly south and Geiger and Doc were taken hostage. Croaker,
next in the chain of command, didn't let a second go by where he
reminded me that I was truly an outsider and therefore didn't
understand Geiger's methods. However, a judgment contest between fools
wasn't the goal I had in mind. So I called in a favour from Death and
by virtue of that, took my leave of Geiger's team and joined Death.

Death and his unlikely crew of followers [I don't officially consider
myself a part of his crew until after Atlanta was resolved] descended
on Atlanta with a vengeance. Unlike Boston, they [I guess I should say
we] went through as quiet as a grave to backtrack our missing friends
and former coworkers. Alas, we arrived too late for Geiger. Dead from
infections -- nasty way to go. Doc was still alive. The vengeance and
fury that Death unleashed on them was the most terrifying and
awe-inspiring thing I have ever had witnessed. New Orleans was
impressive in its own scale, but the sheer devastation that Death's
crew caused in those tunnels was astounding. If nothing more for the
fact that they were so badly outnumbered going in.

Geiger's death demanded retribution, and Death parceled it out as per
his usual. No restraint for a community that stood by and let an
innocent man die while they forced a man who could have saved him to
work as a slave for them on technical matters.

After Geiger was buried, I never looked back. Death had a vision that
while not like Geiger's was equally driving and amazing. I felt at
home. Well, maybe I felt like I wasn't an outsider for once.

Then there was New Orleans. Midnight and his rituals to cure Death --
to give him a chance to become again what he once was. You know, I
pity Midnight a bit. His planning was flawless - down to the expected
(and fulfilled) betrayal from Pestilence. Midnight says he wants proof
before destroying a friendship with an unjust accusation. Deep down
inside though ... I've seen the Croaker's accumulated data. I've done
countless analyzations of the New Orleans events. It all points down
to Pestilence.

If Midnight wasn't so busy with proving himself fit to lead (a
pointless effort since he already has over a dozen people who would
gladly follow him if he would just point a direction), we might have a
next plan of attack.

So instead we wait, and watch a man die. All too soon, his ex-wife
decides that he has suffered enough and will either continue to sleep
on or die without the aid of artificial life support. So the doctors
advise that those friends that wish to say good-bye to him do so before
the plug is pulled. They say this because there are no guarantees on
what happens after that.

I, unfortunately, already know what comes, and I think the others
suspect it as well. Otherwise, there would be no gathering here.
Scourge from Washington DC. Gunner from Boston. Whirlwind. Famine.
Blitzkrieg and the remainder of the band called 'Killing Zone', Monica,
the spirits FireWraith and Lurch, Easy, an extremely tired sailor --
The Mighty Quinn, Doc, Forged, myself, War, Midnight, Rachel [Death's
ex-wife], and Nikki [Death's recently turned seven year old daughter].

And odd crew -- especially considering the fact that Nikki was probably
handling it better than most of the rest of the crowd.

How to describe the tributes in an intensive care unit that held no
furniture save that what supported Death's rest and artificial aid for
his life:

Except for Blitzkrieg, the Killing Zone band (and Monica) didn't really
know Death. They said good-bye to a fan and were mostly present to
lend a supporting shoulder to their manager, Rachel. Ace even did the
noble gesture of returning early from his vacation for this. Monica
was there because of her job, and to lend support to Mark. Blitzkrieg
said good-bye to a man who taught him that there was more to life than
running on the streets. He said good-bye to the man that showed him
just how beautiful music is, and the whole world can thank (or curse)
Death for being a musical mentor to Blitzkrieg and thus eventually lead
up to Blitzkrieg's formation of the band Killing Zone. Although the
man now known as Death wasn't present when Blitzkrieg lost him arm,
Death was the closest thing Blitzkrieg ever had to a father.

Scourge paid tribute to the man who gave the world so much despite the
hardships that it caused in his personal life. Two lost sons and a
dead wife from his first marriage. A forced separation from his second
wife and the daughter they had.

Gunner who never knew the man before he became Death, thanked him for
all the amazing efforts he undertook known and unknown that made the
world a better place. I'm not sure how he found out, but he knew about
the concentration camps and the toxic shaman hunting that Death took
part in. He also thanked him for saving his and his family's lives.

Whirlwind gave a hearty salute to the man who wouldn't let people's
past prejudice him to working with them in the future. He talked
quietly about the cemetery and all it stood for, and the significance
of the sacrifice he made in Berlin two years ago. He talked about
Atlanta. He talked of Quinn's castle. And then, he talked about what
his older brother, if he were present would want to say: How he made
the transition from mercenary to the streets painless for Doomsday; How
he installed in his brother an amazing sense of right and wrong that
was completely absent in his days among the Legion.

Famine said good-bye rather quietly. She saluted him a good friend,
coworker, and boss, and said that even terrorists like herself could
learn a thing or two from him about one's role within the world.

FireWraith gave an interesting good-bye by telling Death that they
would meet again and that she would have the privilege of thanking him
in person for all that he did for Blitzkrieg.

Lurch, a spirit of extremely few words, actually cried during his
good-bye to Death. (Lurch was summoned long ago by Death into this
world.) I learned more about Lurch in those brief minutes he spent
with Death than I ever knew before. And yet, I find words fail me to
describe what I learned.

Easy, who found herself Death's ally almost by accident, wandering into
someone else's war and deciding to lend a hand for a few rounds: and
who found friends and allies in that conflict. Here... why? She's a
cold,ruthless woman. But perhaps even ruthless killers need friends,
and truly mourn the loss of the few they have. She had few words, but
from someone like her that's a great deal.

Baroness Rodriguez, The Mighty Quinn, who threw her hand in with Death
and his crew because the cause appealed to her. She helped the British
law enforcement machine pick a side in a messy fight. Why? Because it
amused her, is the only reason I can see. But still... Death managed to
make an observer into an ally, as he so often did, and here she is to
say her own goodbyes. She told him something about his story becoming
legend, something about how it was a sort of immortality, but she
wasn't talking to us.

Doc said his good-bye rather stoically. He wished him peace in his
journey and said that while he will be sorely missed here by his loved
ones and friends, they will remember him to the end of their days and
he will not be forgotten. (I'm not sure I expected anything different
from him despite all that he went through in Atlanta.)

Forged. A man who finally chose his own name instead of living with
the one that was chosen for him. He saluted the man and said it all in
a language that I'm still trying to translate. I think the gist of it
was clear. One warrior [a legend in his own right] paying tribute to a
man he considers a legend.

Me, myself, I .... I listen to what I said in that room alone with
Death. I remember what my thoughts are. I even re-read what I have so
far entered here and I note that I missed one thing. Even in dying,
Death is at his best. A catalyst for change. A truly amazing man and
while we will have a loss for his passing on, he certainly deserves
peace for all he has done. (And has left us with a legacy of
unanswered questions that we will probably spend years pondering.
Honest, I'm not that much of a cynic.)

War. I'm not sure what I expected from him. He viewed him as almost
the savior incarnate. He said a prayer in Latin and then said a very
quiet good-bye. Oddly, it was all in Latin. After hearing what War
said, I'm left with the usual impression. I may be a fool, but that
man is just missing some things upstairs. Still one wonders what is in
store for that walking time bomb. He already wants to take aim at two
people who are currently beyond even his impressive reach. I bet it
will be bloody if he gets them in his grasp.

Midnight ... Midnight. [Sighs.] He, like Forged, can be very
difficult to read when he wants to be. He is wound tighter than a lot
of springs I know [like War]. Still, he has an iron sense of what is
proper an what is not. He said good-bye to a man he greatly respected
and was a great friend to him. He, lastly promised that if revenge
were to be served for what has happened, that it will be done properly.
(Whatever that means.) He also promised that if Rachel would allow
him, he would make sure Nikki understand her heritage and how to
properly use her talents. He apologized that he created a wall between
himself and Rachel so that she would have an outlet for her
frustration. He was afraid that otherwise the target would have been
Nikki. He lastly debriefed himself to Death.

How to say this simply? Chris has been my friend for a long time.
Although we lost contact at various points in time, I thought I knew
him pretty well. Chris voiced some things that I didn't think he would
actually air before anyone. I shouldn't have heard them. He talked
about New Orleans at length. He talked about the time since New
Orleans as well. It was if he was debriefing himself to Death with
gaps to listen to questions and comments from Death. All I heard was a
very one-sided conversation. (In truth, it was his first visit to him
without some sort of escort. Rachel forbade him to visit him alone. I
think that was a mistake on her part, but in this, she is the boss. I
feel bad, that in his one visit without anyone in the room, I'm still
there listening. I'm such a wonderful friend to have. Not!)

Chris doesn't blame himself for this as much as I feared. In part, as
he told Death, it is because he saw what was to come if he didn't act.
(I agree with Chris on this point -- he probably interceded at the best
point.)

As much as I didn't respect my friends' privacy, I will not even repeat
here what his ex-wife said in parting from her husband. She was going
to be present for Nikki saying good-bye as well, but Nikki asked her to
leave and to let Chris be present. Rachel did not take that well and
almost tore into Chris then and there, but she wisely saved it for a
different time. Forged smoothly disarmed that bomb.

Nikki, like a student trying to understand things from a teacher,
wrestled with what was going on. From what is happening to her dad, to
what is happening between Chris and her, and Chris and her mom. Chris
left her after giving her a huge hug, and she quickly said good-bye in
her own way. Her mother watched on from outside the window, and
probably would have talked to Chris if Forged hadn't dissuaded her.
Forged's comment to Rachel was, "There will be plenty of time to talk
to him when Nikki isn't around to overhear. However, your daughter
needs you now. I didn't have the luxury of having a parent comfort me
when my other parent was dying, I suggest you don't let Nikki go
through the same thing." It stopped Rachel wide-eyed. Forged didn't
even show if he noticed it, because he just walked off toward the
waiting room following Chris. ]<<<<<
-- Jester <04:27:54/02-24-60>
Message no. 2
From: Michael R. Goldberg mrgoldbe@**.netcom.com
Subject: color glass (part 2...)
Date: Tue, 23 Feb 1999 22:36:53 -0600 (CST)
***** INTERNAL: Jester's musings
>>>>>[ I heard these words, echoing through my skull. Tis not me,
just another ghost. An era ends, and when shall the next begin?

I, a humble decker and fool, wish for better times, yet all that
remains are the shattered dreams. Fatherless once more, a young girl
feels so alone -- trapped in this world of bizarre adults that act more
the child than she does. A grieving wife trapped by choices and blame
that smothers more sure than an assassins garrote. No one is to blame
for these turns of the events, and yet, there is plenty going around.

Some days, I wheeze on so. A wonder I'm not some old bag who doesn't
know when to shut up. I'm reminded of what a person once told me --
speak plainly, Fool.

For once I shall endeavor, for whatever that is worth. Not much I
suspect. Due to honour and respect for my friends and coworkers, I
have no transmission to add. Only my, ill-fitted, words. The fool
once more since he deserves more than a mere Jester's ramblings.

I only know him as Death. Amazingly, for a man that was supposed to be
in his decline and mental facilities in question, he was one of the
most brilliant I have ever met. He met me, and for whatever bizarre
reasons, he liked what he saw. He wanted to bring me into his crew,
but respected that I went to work for Geiger.

I worked with Death and his crew twice. Once to save that ingrate
called Nightmare and clear Blitzkrieg's name. Then again in Boston to
help out Gunner. The third time was a charm. Atlanta. A job gone
most decidedly south and Geiger and Doc were taken hostage. Croaker,
next in the chain of command, didn't let a second go by where he
reminded me that I was truly an outsider and therefore didn't
understand Geiger's methods. However, a judgment contest between fools
wasn't the goal I had in mind. So I called in a favour from Death and
by virtue of that, took my leave of Geiger's team and joined Death.

Death and his unlikely crew of followers [I don't officially consider
myself a part of his crew until after Atlanta was resolved] descended
on Atlanta with a vengeance. Unlike Boston, they [I guess I should say
we] went through as quiet as a grave to backtrack our missing friends
and former coworkers. Alas, we arrived too late for Geiger. Dead from
infections -- nasty way to go. Doc was still alive. The vengeance and
fury that Death unleashed on them was the most terrifying and
awe-inspiring thing I have ever had witnessed. New Orleans was
impressive in its own scale, but the sheer devastation that Death's
crew caused in those tunnels was astounding. If nothing more for the
fact that they were so badly outnumbered going in.

Geiger's death demanded retribution, and Death parceled it out as per
his usual. No restraint for a community that stood by and let an
innocent man die while they forced a man who could have saved him to
work as a slave for them on technical matters.

After Geiger was buried, I never looked back. Death had a vision that
while not like Geiger's was equally driving and amazing. I felt at
home. Well, maybe I felt like I wasn't an outsider for once.

Then there was New Orleans. Midnight and his rituals to cure Death --
to give him a chance to become again what he once was. You know, I
pity Midnight a bit. His planning was flawless - down to the expected
(and fulfilled) betrayal from Pestilence. Midnight says he wants proof
before destroying a friendship with an unjust accusation. Deep down
inside though ... I've seen the Croaker's accumulated data. I've done
countless analyzations of the New Orleans events. It all points down
to Pestilence.

If Midnight wasn't so busy with proving himself fit to lead (a
pointless effort since he already has over a dozen people who would
gladly follow him if he would just point a direction), we might have a
next plan of attack.

So instead we wait, and watch a man die. All too soon, his ex-wife
decides that he has suffered enough and will either continue to sleep
on or die without the aid of artificial life support. So the doctors
advise that those friends that wish to say good-bye to him do so before
the plug is pulled. They say this because there are no guarantees on
what happens after that.

I, unfortunately, already know what comes, and I think the others
suspect it as well. Otherwise, there would be no gathering here.
Scourge from Washington DC. Gunner from Boston. Whirlwind. Famine.
Blitzkrieg and the remainder of the band called 'Killing Zone', Monica,
the spirits FireWraith and Lurch, Easy, an extremely tired sailor --
The Mighty Quinn, Doc, Forged, myself, War, Midnight, Rachel [Death's
ex-wife], and Nikki [Death's recently turned seven year old daughter].

And odd crew -- especially considering the fact that Nikki was probably
handling it better than most of the rest of the crowd.

How to describe the tributes in an intensive care unit that held no
furniture save that what supported Death's rest and artificial aid for
his life:

Except for Blitzkrieg, the Killing Zone band (and Monica) didn't really
know Death. They said good-bye to a fan and were mostly present to
lend a supporting shoulder to their manager, Rachel. Ace even did the
noble gesture of returning early from his vacation for this. Monica
was there because of her job, and to lend support to Mark. Blitzkrieg
said good-bye to a man who taught him that there was more to life than
running on the streets. He said good-bye to the man that showed him
just how beautiful music is, and the whole world can thank (or curse)
Death for being a musical mentor to Blitzkrieg and thus eventually lead
up to Blitzkrieg's formation of the band Killing Zone. Although the
man now known as Death wasn't present when Blitzkrieg lost him arm,
Death was the closest thing Blitzkrieg ever had to a father.

Scourge paid tribute to the man who gave the world so much despite the
hardships that it caused in his personal life. Two lost sons and a
dead wife from his first marriage. A forced separation from his second
wife and the daughter they had.

Gunner who never knew the man before he became Death, thanked him for
all the amazing efforts he undertook known and unknown that made the
world a better place. I'm not sure how he found out, but he knew about
the concentration camps and the toxic shaman hunting that Death took
part in. He also thanked him for saving his and his family's lives.

Whirlwind gave a hearty salute to the man who wouldn't let people's
past prejudice him to working with them in the future. He talked
quietly about the cemetery and all it stood for, and the significance
of the sacrifice he made in Berlin two years ago. He talked about
Atlanta. He talked of Quinn's castle. And then, he talked about what
his older brother, if he were present would want to say: How he made
the transition from mercenary to the streets painless for Doomsday; How
he installed in his brother an amazing sense of right and wrong that
was completely absent in his days among the Legion.

Famine said good-bye rather quietly. She saluted him a good friend,
coworker, and boss, and said that even terrorists like herself could
learn a thing or two from him about one's role within the world.

FireWraith gave an interesting good-bye by telling Death that they
would meet again and that she would have the privilege of thanking him
in person for all that he did for Blitzkrieg.

Lurch, a spirit of extremely few words, actually cried during his
good-bye to Death. (Lurch was summoned long ago by Death into this
world.) I learned more about Lurch in those brief minutes he spent
with Death than I ever knew before. And yet, I find words fail me to
describe what I learned.

Easy, who found herself Death's ally almost by accident, wandering into
someone else's war and deciding to lend a hand for a few rounds: and
who found friends and allies in that conflict. Here... why? She's a
cold,ruthless woman. But perhaps even ruthless killers need friends,
and truly mourn the loss of the few they have. She had few words, but
from someone like her that's a great deal.

Baroness Rodriguez, The Mighty Quinn, who threw her hand in with Death
and his crew because the cause appealed to her. She helped the British
law enforcement machine pick a side in a messy fight. Why? Because it
amused her, is the only reason I can see. But still... Death managed to
make an observer into an ally, as he so often did, and here she is to
say her own goodbyes. She told him something about his story becoming
legend, something about how it was a sort of immortality, but she
wasn't talking to us.

Doc said his good-bye rather stoically. He wished him peace in his
journey and said that while he will be sorely missed here by his loved
ones and friends, they will remember him to the end of their days and
he will not be forgotten. (I'm not sure I expected anything different
from him despite all that he went through in Atlanta.)

Forged. A man who finally chose his own name instead of living with
the one that was chosen for him. He saluted the man and said it all in
a language that I'm still trying to translate. I think the gist of it
was clear. One warrior [a legend in his own right] paying tribute to a
man he considers a legend.

Me, myself, I .... I listen to what I said in that room alone with
Death. I remember what my thoughts are. I even re-read what I have so
far entered here and I note that I missed one thing. Even in dying,
Death is at his best. A catalyst for change. A truly amazing man and
while we will have a loss for his passing on, he certainly deserves
peace for all he has done. (And has left us with a legacy of
unanswered questions that we will probably spend years pondering.
Honest, I'm not that much of a cynic.)

War. I'm not sure what I expected from him. He viewed him as almost
the savior incarnate. He said a prayer in Latin and then said a very
quiet good-bye. Oddly, it was all in Latin. After hearing what War
said, I'm left with the usual impression. I may be a fool, but that
man is just missing some things upstairs. Still one wonders what is in
store for that walking time bomb. He already wants to take aim at two
people who are currently beyond even his impressive reach. I bet it
will be bloody if he gets them in his grasp.

Midnight ... Midnight. [Sighs.] He, like Forged, can be very
difficult to read when he wants to be. He is wound tighter than a lot
of springs I know [like War]. Still, he has an iron sense of what is
proper an what is not. He said good-bye to a man he greatly respected
and was a great friend to him. He, lastly promised that if revenge
were to be served for what has happened, that it will be done properly.
(Whatever that means.) He also promised that if Rachel would allow
him, he would make sure Nikki understand her heritage and how to
properly use her talents. He apologized that he created a wall between
himself and Rachel so that she would have an outlet for her
frustration. He was afraid that otherwise the target would have been
Nikki. He lastly debriefed himself to Death.

How to say this simply? Chris has been my friend for a long time.
Although we lost contact at various points in time, I thought I knew
him pretty well. Chris voiced some things that I didn't think he would
actually air before anyone. I shouldn't have heard them. He talked
about New Orleans at length. He talked about the time since New
Orleans as well. It was if he was debriefing himself to Death with
gaps to listen to questions and comments from Death. All I heard was a
very one-sided conversation. (In truth, it was his first visit to him
without some sort of escort. Rachel forbade him to visit him alone. I
think that was a mistake on her part, but in this, she is the boss. I
feel bad, that in his one visit without anyone in the room, I'm still
there listening. I'm such a wonderful friend to have. Not!)

Chris doesn't blame himself for this as much as I feared. In part, as
he told Death, it is because he saw what was to come if he didn't act.
(I agree with Chris on this point -- he probably interceded at the best
point.)

As much as I didn't respect my friends' privacy, I will not even repeat
here what his ex-wife said in parting from her husband. She was going
to be present for Nikki saying good-bye as well, but Nikki asked her to
leave and to let Chris be present. Rachel did not take that well and
almost tore into Chris then and there, but she wisely saved it for a
different time. Forged smoothly disarmed that bomb.

Nikki, like a student trying to understand things from a teacher,
wrestled with what was going on. From what is happening to her dad, to
what is happening between Chris and her, and Chris and her mom. Chris
left her after giving her a huge hug, and she quickly said good-bye in
her own way. Her mother watched on from outside the window, and
probably would have talked to Chris if Forged hadn't dissuaded her.
Forged's comment to Rachel was, "There will be plenty of time to talk
to him when Nikki isn't around to overhear. However, your daughter
needs you now. I didn't have the luxury of having a parent comfort me
when my other parent was dying, I suggest you don't let Nikki go
through the same thing." It stopped Rachel wide-eyed. Forged didn't
even show if he noticed it, because he just walked off toward the
waiting room following Chris. ]<<<<<
-- Jester <04:27:54/02-24-60>

Further Reading

If you enjoyed reading about color glass (part 2...), you may also be interested in:

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These messages were posted a long time ago on a mailing list far, far away. The copyright to their contents probably lies with the original authors of the individual messages, but since they were published in an electronic forum that anyone could subscribe to, and the logs were available to subscribers and most likely non-subscribers as well, it's felt that re-publishing them here is a kind of public service.