| From: | "Frank Pelletier (Trinity)" <fpelletier@******.USHERB.CA> |
|---|---|
| Subject: | Light |
| Date: | Fri, 16 Oct 1998 23:56:34 -0400 |
>>>>>[
+++++Include Cybersense recording (merged)
+++++Include Cybercomm thought track
I can see.
I see shapes, blurred shadows, blank patches. Sometimes, I see darkness,
but always something moving, just beyond my view.
I can't smell, but I can feel. Feel the air passing through my lungs, feel
the tubes clogging my throat, feel the needles, the probes, the wires, the
cold, hard steel. The pain.
I still can't move. I can't touch myself, see what I am. I'm still a man,
somewhere. I don't know if I'm just a head or a stump or something else. I
don't know why I'm still alive.
I saw the flash, I hoped to see God.
But there was nothing. Just black, cold, emptiness. There's nothing, no
redemption, no light, no pain, no joy, no revenge, no judgement. Nothing
but an eternal void.
Then I came back. I don't know how long I faced nothingness. I just came
back. I started to feel, started to see.
Who are They? I don't know. I can't ask. They are shadows, hovering over
me. They might be angels, or demons. Nurses or wardens. I could be in
prison, in a hospital, in Heaven or Hell. I don't know.
But I want to.
I can think clearly now. I know they tried this before, and all they got
was grabbled thoughts and strings or nonsense.
Time. I can think about Time. It's long. I feel alone. I hate being
alone.
I know. I know I used to have something to keep me company. I know I used
to have whole universes to myself. I know I used to be able to take on any
guise, to be anybody. Every day, I changed my world.
But my sole companion is emptiness. I want to be something.
Everything's a blur. I can remember. The gun. The blood. A man, at my
feet, with no head. I can hear other voices, screams, shouts, behind me. I
remember. Ending it all. There.
Everything's a blur. My whole life is a blur. I think...
Death was a blur.]<<<<<
-- Anonymous Entry <23:42:11/10-16-59>
