| From: | "Thomas W. Craig" <CRAIGTW1@******.JUNIATA.EDU> |
|---|---|
| Subject: | WHERE have YOU _BEEN_......!?! |
| Date: | Fri, 16 Apr 1993 19:37:51 -0400 |
and "technical difficulties"...this file was dropped, and is now out of
context.....more is to come, on it, when "retreival" is possible. Sorry for
the inconvenience.....ALL DEAD CARP WILL BE AGILELY DUCKED...ALL FLAMES WILL
BE SUMMARILY _DOWSED_! Enjoy.... SLAN!
Rin(The Voice of THE Nexus)
>>>>>[NEX, Where the FRAG _ARE_ you????? AND what happened, WHY haven't we
heard from you????]<<<<<
-Buzz- (The one the only...Human Bee in the Matrix)
Live Feed:
>>>>>[Where _AM_ I? GOOD fraggin' question....(HEY...somebody...where THE
HELL _AM_ I?! U-huh....yeah....) EDEN? Yeah...right....I _beg_ t' differ!
As fer what I've been doin'...well, le'see....touched down n' hit th' trail
jus' after 2200 hrs. Trailed a few deer...QUICK lil' fraggers! NOT quick
_enough_, though....By this time, Brandy n' I had seperated, so I dressed
th' thing, n' headed back ta' find her...I have NO IDEA _WHERE_ th' HELL
she went! All I know is I never found her! Needless t' say, I started ta'
worry--well, guess I ken stop _that_, now...glad ta' see yer _O.K._,
BRANDYWINE....see ya', when I get back--maybe....ANYWAY, I wandered about,
aimlessly lost, till jus' about mornin'(damn, but tha' deer got HEAVY!)...
that's when Yogi the Meta-bear decided he didnna' feel like huntin', any
more, tha' night--an _my_ "pic-i-nic basket" looked yummy! BASTARD! Wha'
could I do? I looked `im _square in th' eye_....n' _RAN LIKE HELL_!
FRAG....but tha' sonoffabitch was FAST! I'm jus' glad he wasn't as
manueverable as me...`course, he DID level some saplin's n' leaners, along
th' way....FINALLY...I lost `im! Had _NO IDEA_ where I was, either(like, I
DID, before...!) Wandered around s`more...had t' hole-up under a ledge, fer
mosta' the day(DAMN SUN!)...travelled mostly b' night...unfortunately, so did
mosta' th' local fauna! Ran into another one a' them _DAMN_ BEARS, too! Th'
way it was eyein' me up...I'd SWEAR it was th' _same_ fraggin' ONE! N' _I_
was on a damn RIDGE! Thing jus' kept comin' at m'...so I fed it a muzzle
fulla' blazin' explosive death! Thing went _down_ a`right...slammed down on
th' fraggin' LEDGE...n' _I_ took a stroll thru thin air! Fortunately, it was
only about five meters down...sprained m' damn ankle, though! DREK! Fragger's
pelt woulda' made a WIZZER rug...er...carpet(?)...fer in fronta' m' fireplace!
FRAG!*cough* uhhmmm........`scuse me....! WELL...soaked m' leg inna' stream fer
a while, then figured I'd best be movin'...think I caught a damn _cold_, too...
symbiotes'll handle _that_, though*sneeze* UGH!! *sniffle* FRAG! Tha' night was
pretty uneventful...which was _SLAMMIN'_, w' me! I was startin' ta feel jus' a
bit stiff n' sore, n' I was so hungry, I coulda' eaten jus' about _ANYTHIN'_! I
must've, too, `cause I vaugely recall grabbin' a handful of berries, sometime
early in th' mornin'...next thing I know, I'm _face-down_ inna' stream, w' a
BITCHUVA' _headache_, an' it's _1427_ hrs.! I damn-near _drowned_*sneeze* FRAG!
*sniffle...cough...sniff* ACK! I musta' wandered inta some New Boar's territory,
`cause there was this _Pig from Hell_ standin' over me, snufflin' at m' coat...
so, I jus' had t' lay there, an'...*ACHOO! sniff DAMN! *...an' TRY not t' move,
till th' stupid bastard trucked on! Took `im nearly _10 MINUTES_!!*ACHOO!*
SO...I haul m'self outta' there*cough*an' limp along, till I found this road.
Was about 1545 hrs., b' then...FINALLY flagged some ya-hoo down, in an ol'
wagon tha' looked like twas held t'gether w' _band-aids_, n' had a rubberband
fer a timin' belt...but, HELL, sure beat _walkin'_...so I _thought_! The driver
was some damn loopey Joe-Schmoe, hick-from-The Styxx, like one'a them fraggers
from those ol' "National Lampoon" flats...*shudder-sneeze...cough...SNIFF*Ungh!
Yeah...an', he had his whole looney brood w' `im...Ma, teenaged daughter*EESH!
SHUDDER* two adolescent brats, n' a screamin' baby! We're talkin' "The Good
Samaritans from HELL", chummers! Thank Gaia, I have _dampers_...wish I coulda'
turned `em _completely_ off, though! Got stuck in th' back, between the girl(?)
an' th' 12-yr.-old boy...n' nobody told me, when I collapsed, that I'd slumped
merrily down on th' battlefielda' Sibling Warfare...I almos' took tha' seven-
yr-ol's "Happy Harry, the Meta-monkey" puppet...an' _MADE_ it fit o'er his
head! I DO like kids...but, I prefer `em ta' be from _THIS_ solar system, thank
you! That _HAD_ t've been th' LONGEST two hours of m' LIFE! If I_EVER_have t'
do tha', again...I'll slit m' throat w' my_OWN RAZORS_! SO...! _HERE_ I AM!
Middle `a B.F.-Sioux Nation! GOD...I need a HUGE meal(least-ways, somethin'
tha's NOT gonna' try n' eat ME, first!), a long, hot shower, warm woman, soft
bed...m'be "rocked t' sleep"*smirk*...*ACHOO! AAACCKK!*...n' I'll be happy...
NO, ferget it...woman ken be too much trouble, sometimes....no, offense,
malisharati....OH, BTW, Roxey...remind m' tha' I got somethin' fer ya'...was a
lil' on th' "active" side, n' I earned a few new scrapes n' bruises...but, I
think it was worth it....I hope ya' like it....HEY, THEO...GET TH' _FRAG_
OUTTA' M' PACK!!! Damn lil' weasle! Fraggin' kid...! It'll BITE, ya' MORON! N'
_YER_ CATCHIN' IT, IF IT GETS OUT...! Hey, Buzz...I <woman interupts: "Mr.
Nexus...hope I'm not botherin' ya', there, son...me n' Lyle were jus' won`drin'
ifn' you'd..." **CRASH** woman screams> WHA' TH'....?!? _FRAG_! AB....<drowned
out by sound of automatic weapons fire...small explosions...more screams> FRAG!!
UUHHHHNNNNN...........^@*(@+%#&~@_JST()#@*(DSL$&*#........
{LINK TERMINATED}
>>>>>[Well, Buzz...he-llo! What a _pleasant_ surprise! Fancy meeting _YOU_,
here! As I'm SURE you've figured out, already, I've "requested", once again,
the company of the all-too-charming _NEXUS_. He was a little...reluctant...at
first. But, he seems to have...reconsidered*laughs lightly...looks down at Elf
lying on floor, beside him* Really, though, I _MUST_ have a talk with the boy
about being so _rough_ with my "couriers"...that's _five more_ I've lost to him!
Really, he has SUCH a TEMPER! Tsk, tsk...! *Nex groans, sits up slowly, holding
head* Ahh...you're awake! *grabs Nex by hair, holds him up to terminal* Nexus,
say something to the nice decker...<"It's _life_, Buzz...but, not as we _know_
it! *smirk*> **SLAPP!** <"AHH..."*SPAT*> AAARRRGGGHHH......! *Abrams
nods/sound
of a rifle butt striking the back of a skull* <UUUGGGGHHHNNN........!*Nex
collapses in a heap*> Still ALIVE? *snorts* GOOD.....
Well, then...we really MUST be going, my good fellows! Say "good-bye" to the
dandelion eater, boys....oh, _sorry_*sneer* I forgot...he can't hear you! Well,
I'll let him know you were all thinking about him, there in your nice, SAFE
penthouses, and that you're _truly_ sorry that you couldn't be here, to see him
off...on his way to HELL! I'm _sure_ he'll undrestand...and'll die _cursing_ the
names of all those who _abandoned_ him to such a (justifiable) fate...*smirk*
Till _we_ meet again...avoir_mes amis_, or as THE Nexus would say, "Namari`e!"
HAHAHAHAHHAHA.........]<<<<<
-Jacob Abrams(working for a PURIFIED World....)
