| From: | Mike Goldberg <michael.goldberg@*******.COM> |
|---|---|
| Subject: | Diary of some SINs |
| Date: | Thu, 9 Jan 1997 21:13:45 MST |
insisted that as I, DragonEyes, took it upon myself to take him from the
messy fighting in Berlin, that I had a duty to reveal part of my reasons
for doing so. I do not do such a thing lightly. If truth be known, I
would never show this to a soul, and be glader for the silence Yet even
now, I still cannot fathom all of his reasons, nor can I resist his will. So
I choose to show this now. To those who might be curious, I still have
my reasons for delaying this so long. Do I wish to share them?
No.
+++++ begin clip
You see a rather simple, room - a run-down bedroom, in truth. There is a
nightstand that has a picture of some liquid contained within, and a
small, plastic cup. Aside from the bed, there is one wooden chair, and a
lot of life support equipment attached to the man in the bed. In the
chair, is an aged elf. The worries and cares that he has taken on have
scarred him greatly, and his face -- with all the lines shows only part of
the price he has paid. The elf looks of Amerindian decent. His eyes are
reptilian in nature. His long, wiry, black hair has streaks of gray in it,
and you can only wonder at what would age an elf so much - what great
price has he paid?
The bed-ridden patient is human -- make that one who looks shattered.
Although his brown eyes are clear of pain and are not clouded by
drugs, those eyes are eyes that have seen perhaps too much. His hair is
black, but it is cropped very short. He has a few days growth of what
would have probably been a good beard. His chest is bare, save for
that of where the medical devices are attached. In contrast you can see
the cast around his ribs, the bandages that cover his wounds. All over
himself, it looks like he has been marked by self-mutilation with a knife.
On his shoulder, you can see the ruins of a once beautiful tattoo of an
eagle. On his left forearm, you can see the remnants of another tattoo.
What that was is lost by the injuries to his skin. In addition to the knife
wounds, it looks like his chest and arms were seriously burned. While it
is obvious that medicine has been applied to burns, the wounds seem
too unreal. The fact that he is breathing even remotely evenly is truly
astounding. His eyes -- alas, they are saddened and angered, and
strangely, also at peace -- as if he is fighting some inner demon that
wants to get let loose.
The elf in the chair notices that the patient is awake and says quietly,
"Your time is not long."
The human grimaces. He watches the elf for a little and says, "You're
not exactly a pretty picture, yourself, DragonEyes. As far my time --"
You can hear him wheeze for air before he continues with a hiss, "It was
long enough. I did what I had to do. Which is more than I can say for
some."
DragonEyes glares at the human, and nearly shouts, "How dare you?!
You arrogant little bastard --"
The human soft, whisper cuts the elder elf off hissing, "How dare I?! I'm
not the one who decided to cart me off to who the hell knows where!
Why DragonEyes? Why save me? Am I truly so damned arrogant?"
He coughs very harshly -- a body wracking cough, that reddens his lips.
His face, is even paler than before.
The elf, full of rage that he cannot or will not contain retorts, "Why?!?
Why indeed? I'm not really sure --"
The human hisses, "Come off your high horse, you bastard. You --
YOU. I - I -argh - I can't believe I'm dying in a room with a person who is
blinder and more incapacitated than my fucking injuries! This is
ridiculous. Leave me to die, you old buzzard."
"Why should you get off so easy? I have to deal with this shit day in
and day out!" fumes the elf.
The human's laugh comes out as a coughing wheeze. He turns his head
and spits some blood on the pillow that he is lying on and looks at
DragonEyes, and barely audible. "I got off easy, eh? I GOT OFF EASY,
right? Look at me. I'm leaving a wife and a seven year old child behind.
I risked my life, knowing that if I failed, it wouldn't be merely my death
that I would lose. It would be what I would do to my friends. I can see
the taint around you. I can feel that taint within me. Its almost all that is
left at this point. I -- DAMN -- BURN -- You -- YOU close yourself off
and won't listen to anyone. Are you just deaf?!? I burned myself out
to try and get rid of that damn Wraith. I have NEVER seen one so
powerful. And what did I do, I absorbed part of it. HA! Pathetic? Not
nearly as you!" DragonEyes leaps out of his chair in amazement at the
vehemence of the human's words. "Lost in your self pity, you never
stopped and thought why I didn't kill you considering how long you
have been in the remote area of that thing! You never even thought!
Arrgh." He tries to sit up a little, but fails.
"So why did you do it, Archangel? Why did the great Archangel spare
me, let Scarface die, and kill off the wraith with all you had to loose?
Why do YOU GIVE A FRAG!?!" DragonEyes ruthlessly continues over
whatever Archangel was going to say, "You speak of taint as if your
simple word could encompass all that it means." Dripping with sarcasm
DragonEyes says, "Your _taint_ is to simple a way to express it."
Archangel hoarsely whispers, "You are right. Taint is too poor a word
to describe the feeling. The persversion of magic - you and I could feel
the nearness of the Wraith simply from the sense of wrong. Not so with
from a person like Doomsday. Not so with a person like Shadowfox.
The taint -- the feeling of raw rage just hiding slightly beyond your
current place. The anger waiting to rush you away in the rapids of self-
denial and vent like never before. And when the Wraith focuses his
attention on you . . . who could truly resist his call to just let go at all the
injustices we have all suffered. Who indeed?
Archangel continues mercilessly in his faint whisper, "But you ask why.
Why?! Because I could help. When that Wraith came to Denver, I
realized for the first time how powerful it was. I saw what you and the
Wraith did to Black Knight. I saw what the Wraith did to Scarface. I
saw what it was doing to Kor, to you, and to Nightmare. Who else was
going to sacrifice everything to save you all? You? HA! Nightmare?
Kor!?! Come on. Be real. But on to the true question --" He sighs,
"Why? Maybe because I see your ancestors in you. Maybe because I
remember Gregg and treasure his opinion of you. Maybe because I see
that you can take on where I leave off. Why do I give a damn about
anyone? The self-serving bastard called Nightmare - the man who
refused to heal himself called Scarface - Shadowfox who is a death
sentence to his loved ones - Kor the man who is rich beyond dreams,
yet can't find happiness because you cannot buy that.... Why indeed?
I give a damn because I can make a difference! You make a difference!
Society made them into what they are, but they are not irredeemable. So
they let events mold them, it isn't an excuse for the actions or anything,
but damn it, killing them won't solve anything. Helping them become
better people despite all that has happened to them will! Can't you see?
No you can't."
Angerly, almost to himself, Archangel continues on, "You can't even
fragging see what the Wraith's done to you! You felt it, but don't
understand! You can't see what it did to Nightmare, Scarface, Black
Knight, or even Diana who it didn't ever see - feel it. You can't see the
hate like I now feel it. You JUST DON'T FUCKING KNOW A DAMN
THING!! How it corrupted by Scarface was by his refusal to heal his
wounds. Scarface embraced the wounds Nightmare gave him because
to him the personified how the world treated him. That is the reason
that no one could heal them! He wanted them! They were his edge.
The Wraith used that as surely as it used you and me."
Archangel continues bitterly, "The Wraith had only one use for the
Knight and that was to get at Nightmare. What better way than
shattering his best friend. The Wraith made Nightmare break down his
walls and drink from the rage of what HAMMER, his father, his country
did to him and unleash it. How better to do it against a person he now
calls friend to prove his loyalty to the rage. The Wraith has succeeded
in tainting Diana as well, and he didn't even fragging run into her.
How? Diana is obsessed with taking out Nightmare for his actions, but
is Nightmare responsible or just a pathetic tool? In what was done to
Blitzkrieg - in the magical scarring of Scarface - in the killing of Scarface,
he was a fucking tool! He couldn't do a damn against it --"
"Just because he is a bloody tool doesn't mean he should be excused!
DAMN IT!" DragonEyes starts pacing around as if he is a caged man.
"Does it?" Archangel pauses if trying to find a way in a forest without
any paths. "If it hadn't been for Nightmare, Blitzkrieg would be dead.
Granted what was done to him instead wasn't that kind, but at least on
behalf of Nightmare's intervention he can live to make a difference in
people's lives. Blitzkrieg wouldn't have been there for Cerise, wouldn't
have been there for Kor, and wouldn't be there for you, if you weren't to
damn blind - to deaf to know it! The only crime that I see from
Nightmare was his willingness to use that damn spell of his. And from
what I understand, he intends to never use that again. He learned real
well what the price of that spell is. He learned it from Scarface. He
learned it from the friendship they forged a year ago. They found a way
- despite everything - to make peace - lasting peace between them! The
Wraith won. Nightmare's killing of Scarface will scare Nightmare
forever. In addition, it will drive Diana to new heights to make him pay
the price. From what I have heard of Diana, I'm sure this will bring out
the side that the Wraith would have loved to seen. Net game: the
Wraith.
"But what difference does it make to you, DragonEyes? The magiks
that Nightmare learned on his own will, why should he be allowed to
live for that very crime alone?"
"He shouldn't."
Archangel raises an eyebrow, "Really? You are so quick to judge. I
would let him live. I did. I made him take a magical oath not to use the
shit again, but I certainly wouldn't have killed him. I saw what he has
tried to do for Scarface, what he did for his half-brother, what he has
done for the Count and Countess von Doom. I have seen him trying to
help you. But you don't care. He learned some things that should have
never been played with, and for that you will judge him." DragonEyes
starts to interrupt but Archangel's whispers proceed on heedlessly of
the interruption. "Tell me something DragonEyes, if you had Nightmare
at your mercy. Say, for instance he was on this bed soaking it with his
blood, instead of what I have done to the bed, would you kill him?
Would you trip on a power cord to cut the life support, would you take
a gun and shoot him cold, would you magically shattered his mind?
Would you make him pay the price of his crime? Would you?!?"
DragonEyes seems to stunned to answer and Archangel raises his
voice to a normal tone. You have a sinking feeling that if he was
healthy he would be shouting it instead of this feeble imitation, "DAMN
YOU! FUCKING ANSWER!" He rolls onto his side, opening some of
his old wounds and they start bleeding. As he shouts, he covers the
bed in tiny flecks of blood, "YES OR NO! DAMN IT! FUCKING SAY
IT! SAY YOU HATE THE BASTARD! SAY YOU HATE ME! SAY
YOU HATE SOCIETY! SAY SOMETHING!" DragonEyes gets up and
grasps the chair like he is going to throw the chair. "YES! THROW
THE FRAGGING CHAIR! BREAK THE CHAIR! DESTROY IT!"
"NO!!!" DragonEyes sobs, and drops the chair.
"Well at least you have compassion for a piece of wood that society
formed. Why don't you have the same compassion for man who was
trying to improve from his past mistakes?" DragonEyes sits down as if
defeated. "Why don't you have compassion for yourself and admit
that you don't know what to do? Why don't you admit you are angered
by it and that you don't know how to handle it? Why don't you
acknowledge the fact that you have friends who would die to help
you?"
Real quietly, the old elf still looking at the floor, says bitterly,"I can't
believe I thought you were the one redeeming feature of humanity."
"I can't believe it either, because everyone one I see has that feature.
Everyone has it!" He winces in pain as he rolls off his side.
"DragonEyes, you told me when you brought me here that the reason
you brought me was for all the good I have done for people I don't even
know. What I'm trying to tell you is that you too have done a shitload
of good for people. Sure you have made mistakes, and some of the
prices have been extremely high. I've done the same. But -- But just
because you made some mistakes, doesn't mean that it gives you a right
to wage a one man war against the evil in humanity. There is always a
balance in things. You and I just try to help people so that they don't
have to go through their day-to-day routines without somewhere to
turn if help is needed. I want to help. Your friends want to help. But
you have to take the first step and admit you need help."
With pain of pride wounded, DragonEyes whispers softly, "You are a
bastard."
"Yes, I am. I'm glad you are finally seeing that. Let's face it. I'm a dead
man. My life will be over before this day is out. Give me your hatred,
your bitterness, and fears, your anger, and go out and try and find
yourself with your friends there to help. I can handle the taint. After all,
I'll be dead. But I don't want you carrying the burden." DragonEyes
continues to watch the floor, and doesn't respond. "My friend, don't
fight it alone. Your friends want to help."
"Really? They don't seem eager to help themselves."
"Look in a mirror. DragonEyes, DragonEyes, DragonEyes -- "
Archangel grimaces and continues in a barely audible whisper, "Will it
really solve anything by killing a few people? I have killed plenty. The
dreams still haunt me. Some may call me weak, I just merely say I have a
conscious. A lot of people are trapped by what society expects of them.
I too am now trapped."
"I'm not going to let you die." DragonEyes gets up to leave the room.
Archangel gasps in a faint whisper, "Wait! Don't go! Why won't you
let me die in peace? What if the taint is too much for my love, my
family's love, my friends' love to stop. What if I become, that which I
tried to protect people from the world? Isn't it better to just let me take
the taint and leave the world?"
DragonEyes looks at him squarely and says, "Two reasons. One, I
didn't bring you here just to watch you die. Two, this world would be a
very bleak place if it wasn't for people like you."
Archangel looks at him, "No! That isn't true."
"Explain."
"I don't create hope. Hope is always there. You don't need me for hope,
you just have to listen to your heart. My time has come. I have done
what I needed to do. I spent all my life preparing myself for this. So it
came earlier than I expected. So what?"
Stunned DragonEyes can only mumble, "But --"
"Why did you choose me of all those people out there to save?
Because I had the foolishness to face the Wraith? Because I sometimes
try and help some people? Why?"
"It is really simple, in you I can see goodness no matter how much
_taint_ you have from your fight with the Wraith. In everyone else, I no
longer see that. If the world lost you, there would be no hope."
"That is not true, and you know it. If that is your only reason for not
letting me die, then you might as well let me die."
DragonEyes asks frustrated, "How is that not a good enough reason?"
"Listen to yourself. You just gave it. Everyone has the goodness, they
just have to choose to show it. They need people like you, to show it.
They don't need me."
"But --"
"No. I --" DragonEyes raises his hand to halt Archangel, and sits down
again.
DragonEyes softly says to the floor, "There is one other reason. I don't
want to see you die and sit idle."
Archangel says coldly, "I don't think I understand you. You did that
when you carried me away from the mess in Berlin."
"I -- " DragonEyes buries his face in his hands. "I don't want you to
die, because you fight against the Wraith is about the only inspiration I
have left."
"Selfish." DragonEyes glance up, and the hurt is plain on his face.
"But thank you for finally being honest to yourself and to me."
Archangel coughs violently, bringing up more blood. He licks his lips
and sighs. "I'll tell you what. If you have the courage to fight your
demons and fight it with your friends, I'll fight the taint and try my best
not to lose. If you don't have that courage, then I would be better off
dead."
DragonEyes looks at him in confusion, "Why would my courage have
to do with your fight?"
"Look --" Archangel winces and stops talking for a while. DragonEyes
casts a small spell and Archangel relaxes a little bit. "I told you don't
hide the pain on me! I'm so tired. I don't know if I have the courage to
face the onslaught of time. If you don't have the courage, then how is it
likely that I will have the courage." He grimaces a little bit, and says, "I
can be selfish too, you know."
DragonEyes closes his eyes and leans back in the chair. A minute or so
passes and then he says, "Kor called you Michael. Why?"
"I don't know. That was the name of my father. He was a good man.
Died saving my family from the dangers of a food riot. Perhaps it is
because of the things I do."
"Fair enough. I'll try and walk the path with you -- if you are willing."
Archangel starts coughing violently and coughs up a lot of blood.
DragonEyes eyes widen and he bolts out of the room.
+++++ end clip
Its been three days, and I have just finished healing him. I'm exhausted.
He's exhausted. I wish I could wash the blood away. ]<<<<<
-- DragonEyes <23:59:59/09-JAN-58>
